Call Your Name
by Mononoke-hime x sukai kurora
Summary: Six months after being in a comatose state, Kuchiki Byakuya awakens to Renji Abarai by his side. As the two begin to realize their long-buried feelings for each other, the weakened Kuchiki is kidnapped by a Hollow. How deep will Renji's feelings go as he begins to learn the dark secrets surrounding the older Shinigami?
1. Nightmare

_Nightmare_

 _ **"Renji, naze koko in iru?"**_

 _ **"Ore wa…fukutaichou."**_

 _"Taichou...naze? Naze…ore o mamoru?"_ It was raining. Renji didn't know how it was possible that rain had appeared in the hellish world. It didn't matter, however. In his red hand, stained with blood, held the eerily limp and pale hand of his _taichou_. Kuchiki Byakuya's entire chest cavity was gone. A dark hole seeping with blood still wept despite of the weakening form of the Shinigami in Renji's arms. The red-haired Shinigami didn't even notice the close proximity of his _taichou_ 's body, only seeing the white haori darkening more and more with blood. Kuchiki Byakuya was barely breathing, his chest barely rising as his face was buried in Renji's lap. The scene was reminiscent of when his captain had taken Ichimaru's zanpakutou to the heart, saving Rukia from death after her near-execution. Even then, Renji had wanted to protect his _taichou_. Even though he lied in his heart and soul that he hated the noble. Rukia's tears and cries for her brother echoed in the fukutaichou's mind, months after his _taichou_ had healed from his wounds and Rukia's smile came to her eyes when she talked to Renji about his _taichou_. So many times, Renji had wanted to tell him the truth. So many times of when he had wanted to tell him…

 _Naze…ore o mamoru…taichou?_ It was supposed to be the other way around. Renji was supposed to protect his _taichou_. This time, he thought, he wouldn't simply stand helpless as he watched the _taichou_ he had once desired to surpass get his ass beat, blood again the only thing he could see. _Ore wa…_ But nothing had changed. His proud, beautiful captain had blocked the fatal blow that was supposed to instantly kill Renji. The red-haired Shinigami had felt only numb as he watched his captain fall, his entire chest cavity gone and blood soaking his haori. The enemy's cold eyes, echoing in Renji's stunned brown orbs as his taichou fell, the zanpakutou of the captain of the sixth division becoming slick with blood and falling onto the ground.

It had shattered.

 _"Why did you defend him?"_ The second-in-command of the Quincies Jugram Haschwalth, stared at the scene before him with an unknown expression on his face. _"To posses such weak feelings for a subordinate..."_ He stared at the fallen Shinigami with an emotion akin to regret. _"I thought, you red-haired Shinigami,"_ the Quincy said as he stared coldly into Renji's eyes as they stared stunned at the scene before him, _"did not fear death."_ The Quincy had started to raise his sword before Renji a murderous rage shake through him, robbing him of any thought. _"It was a mistake to consider you a worthy opponent."_ It was then that Renji had released his strength that he had gained during his time in the Soul Palace. How he had wanted to show his taichou of how strong he had become. _Not like this!_ Renji thought desperately as he aimed the final blow and started to run towards his taichou's eerily still form. _Never...like this!_

 _"Taichou…"_ Senbonzakura was shattered by his feet. It was his taichou himself who had told Renji of what a broken zanpakutou in a bankai state meant, back to that day, feeling so long ago when he had fought him to save Rukia. _Taichou…_ So many feelings. So many emotions as he stared at the Shinigami, the once dark hair streaked with blood and his body in Renji's arms. And yet…Renji refused to believe that he would die. He would _not_ die, he would _not_ die, and Renji would have to suffer the fate of having Senbonzakura tear his flesh once his taichou regained his senses. _"Taichou, naze? Naze…omae wa…"_

"Renji." The red-haired Shinigami stared as Kuchiki Byakuya turned his face towards his and opened his eyes. _Beautiful…_ Renji thought, never seeing those dark gray eyes so peaceful. "Do not cry, Renji." It was only then that the younger Shinigami felt the warm tears streaking down his face. _What…?_ Renji absently thought, his other hand touching his face in shock. "I have failed. The enemy…" The captain of the sixth division's blood continue to pool. Renji tried to not feel the cold fear pulsing through his limbs at the sight of blood dripping down his taichou's throat. "Although the enemy…has been defeated, I have been shamefully grievously wounded. I…did not even manage to defeat him." The Shinigami took a shuddering breath and his hands slightly weakened. "I am…ashamed of all of this."

" _Taichou_ –!" Renji almost wanted to scream at the bullshit of that statement when he stilled when the dark-haired Shinigami raised his shaking hand and placed it against Renji's cheek.

"I defend you…because you are my _fukutaichou_."

Renji could only watch as his taichou's dark gray eyes closed and his body stilled. His hand, falling as his fingertips brushed against the dark red liquid.

" _Taichou_?" There was no answer. " _Taichou_?" Renji felt his breathing fluctuate as he saw of how still his captain lied still in his arms. " _Taichou_!" How was it that he was not dead? His mind…almost seemed to shatter, break into many pieces at the sight of his _taichou_ lying so still…his face pale and soaked by rain and blood.

" _Taichou_!"

* * *

"Kuchiki- _taichou_!"

The shout came out as a gasp as Renji awoke. His breathing still came in gasps as his hands shook as they grasped the fine material. Vomit approached his throat as the dream – the nightmare, haunted his mind. _Taichou…_ Renji looked around the room. It was beautiful, with the shoji screens painted with cranes and nature. The red-haired Shinigami swallowed heavily at the sight of a sakura tree painted across from a crane resting beside pond. _Onegai…_ Renji stood, brushing out the wrinkles in the yukata from sleep as he eased his feet into the fine footwear needed in such a place as this. At another time, the red-haired Shinigami would have exclaimed at the beauty that surrounded the area. Now however, his mind was focused on one thing.

 _"Ohayou gozaimasu,_ Abarai- _san_." Renji broke from his thoughts and saw the oldest servant Michiko nodding her head politely to him. Sadness appeared in her eyes, but Renji pretended not to notice it as he walked past.

He opened the doors to the room without a sound, walking slowly to the center of the room. Renji saw through his brown eyes that nothing had changed since _he_ had left many months ago in this room. A small desk with inkwell and calligraphy paper lied in the center. A closet was near the bed, where Renji knew the kenseikan, the scarf, and the fingerless gloves were kept along with the white haori and shihakushou were neatly placed inside. Slowly, Renji turned toward the figure unconscious in the bed before him. He was wearing a white yukata, the white similar to the paleness of his face. His dark hair, long and free of blood, a couple of strands over his forehead. The numerous machines now were absent, and yet the dark grey eyes Renji had desperately thought to see had yet to open.

" _Taichou…_ " Renji whispered as Kuchiki Byakuya continued to lie unconscious. His hands shook, and the red-head desperately tried to fight away tears. It had been months since the war with the Quincies had ended. So many had died…and so many broken beyond repair. The Gotei 13 had slowly been rebuilding its strength, repairing wounds. And yet it had been three months since the war had ended…and Kuchiki Byakuya, the taichou of the sixth division and the 28th head of the Kuchiki clan had yet to wake.

" _Onegai…taichou_." Renji felt the tears streak down from his cheeks. They pelted into the material, soaking into the blanket that had been abused this way so many times before. " _Onegai...okite." I had never cried before,_ Renji thought as a choked sob came from his throat as he thought of how he had shouted for his taichou until his voice had died. Of how he had fallen unconscious with the captain in his arms, only to wake with Rukia by his side, in the fourth division, desperately trying to calm him down as he demanded how Kuchiki-taichou was doing. As if he had not seen his taichou's zanpakutou shatter or hear his words that Renji still didn't understand. Tears streaked onto his knuckles, pelting onto the floor below as Renji felt himself fall onto the floor and hold his taichou's still hand in his own. _Until I met you…_ He remembered of how he had managed to break free from his hospital room despite of the agony raging through his entire body. _Taichou…!_ He had found Kuchiki Byakuya in an isolated room, attached to so many machines it was almost impossible to find the face of the captain of the sixth division. Rukia and several members of the fourth division were shocked to find him lying on the floor beside the critically wounded Kuchiki Byakuya, sobbing with tears streaming down his face.

 _"Yokatta…yokatta…yokatta… omae wa ikiteru…Yokatta…omae wa…ikiteru."_

"I want you to wake so I tell you what a fool you were, Taichou! It was I who should have protect you! But I failed you! I...failed you!"

* * *

Translations in order:

"Renji, why are you here?"

"Because...I am your vice-captain."

 _Why, Captain? Why did you protect me? You..._

"Please...Captain. Please wake up."

 _"I'm glad...I'm so glad...glad...that you are alive."_


	2. Incomplete

_Incomplete_

"Abarai-fukutaichou." Renji bit back a sigh and ignored the gazes from the other captains as Kyoraku-soutaichou removed his hat – as he always did at the end of the taichou meetings – and looked at him briefly before nodding to the others briefly to move on. _I know what he is going to ask but my answer is still the same._ The red-haired Shinigami ignored the heavy gazes of his comrades, including one orange-haired Shinigami in particular. _I won't change my answer._

Kyoraku-soutaichou bored his eyes into Renji's own and spoke carefully. "Abarai-fukutaichou, I believe it is wise that you accept the taichou positon of the sixth –"

"No way!" The shout came out louder than he intended to, and Renji forced his breathing to calm and still the emotions wanting to break free. "I cannot accept the positon, Kyoraku-soutaichou," Renji stated quietly with somberness in his voice. "You know that."

The former carefree taichou nodded, his eyes heavy with sadness. "Kuchiki Byakuya has not woken from his state in three months, Abarai-fukutaichou. It is…standard procedure –"

"I don't care about that!" Renji shouted. _To hell with calm!_ he thought as his emotions surged as he thought about the whispers that followed him from his division. The Shinigami didn't give a shit what those shit-faces thought about him. _But when they talk about Kuchiki-taichou…it's like I can't think. Like…I am just agonizing rage._ "Kuchiki-taichou will wake up! It's only been three months since the war, Soutaichou! I know he will –!"

"Renji." The red-haired Shinigami stared in shock and gaped at the sound of his name. Normally only Rukia and his other friends called him that. _And then…there's taichou…_ His fists clenched, seeing the unnatural detachment from Kyoraku-soutaichou as he spoke. "The first lesson that students in the Soul Academy learn is not to be afraid of death. The other, is that when they fall in battle, it is because of their failure. Kuchiki Byakuya fell in battle not once, but twice." Renji could only hear the words as his heart beat frantically, as if understanding the immense rage that steadily surged within him. _How dare you…!_ Renji thought as the Shinigami's eyes remained detached. _How dare you insult him like his is…!_ "I know Byakuya knows this. It has been drilled in him, and I believe you know this as well."

"Are you saying that it Kuchiki-taichou's fault that he fought an enemy using his own bankai?!" Renji stood very close to Soutaichou, close enough to see the clean-shaven face closely for the first time. _How much he has changed,_ Renji thought furiously as he remembered the Shinigami who had once reassured him that Kuchiki-taichou did like him during his early days of being his vice-captain. _I pleaded with him to not let anyone find out, and he laughed, saying the only one he would tell would be the sake bottle! Why…?_ "Are you saying that he was weak, Kyoraku-soutaichou?! Because he wasn't! Taichou…took several fatal blows from his own bankai and survived! Lesser Shinigami would have died! And…he grew stronger! Much stronger than before, so strong he defeated three of the enemies on his own with only his shikai!" Renji fought for breath, his hands shaking as his face broke out in a snarl. "If it is anyone who failed, it was me! I was supposed to protect him, and I failed as a vice-captain!" His voice quieted, and pain entered his mind as he thought about the last words his taichou had spoken to him. "That is another first lesson that students at the Soul Academy learn, right Soutaichou? That it is a failure to protect your superiors."

Kyoraku-soutaichou sighed and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Very well, Abarai-fukutaichou." For a mere moment, sadness appeared in his eyes before it disappeared. "You will have three more months. If Kuchiki Byakuya does not awaken then, you will become the sixth division's taichou with no complaint." There was a pause. "Do you understand?"

It seemed to be a long time before Renji responded. Despite his will, a crack appeared in his voice.

 _"Hai."_

"And Abarai-fukutaichou." Renji paused and looked back at the soutaichou. "I once thought that you and Byakuya would not get along, knowing of how he did not have a vice-captain until you took over the position. Now, as you stand here," the older Shinigami stated with a sad smile, "I find myself comparing your to Yama-jiji and Sasakibe-fukutaichou." Renji remembered the funeral of the first division's vice-captain after the first invasion, seeing the flames turning the corpse into ashes. _"You cannot begin to understand the agony Soutaichou is feeling right now." I think I can understand…_ Renji thought as he remembered holding his captain's body in his arms, _a little bit, Taichou._ "Even though he was strong enough to lead his own division, Sasakibe-fukutaichou always remained at Yama-jiji's side. His devotion and loyalty was unparalleled…except…" For a moment, it appeared that Kyoraku-soutaichou was about to say something. Instead, the recent soutaichou turned around and stated quietly, "It is also a failure to protect your vice-captain, Abarai-fukutaichou. It…truly is an unspoken rule that all captain are supposed to uphold."

Renji lowered his eyes and his thoughts returned to the aftermath of the battle between the former eighth division's captain and the Quincy he had fought. The once-mischievous eyes were blank, holding his vice-captain's body in his arms as he stared at her broken glass and open shocked eyes. _It's not just him,_ Renji thought at the thought of the other devastated division. _Kurotsuchi-taichou as well…_ Unlike the vice-captain of the twelfth division, however, Ise Nanao had been accidently caught in her taichou's bankai, causing her death along with the enemy. Since her death, Kurotsuchi Mayuri had been unable to function, unable to understand that his daughter was dead. Eventually, Urahara Kisuke, the former captain of the twelfth division before he was exiled, became the captain again with a broken scientist as his vice-captain.

"I'm sorry about Nanao, Soutaichou."

There was no response. Then,

"Nanao-chan always wanted me to be serious and take my duties seriously." There was a faint tremble in the Shinigami's voice. "I could not do that…and could not even protect her from my own bankai. It is the least I can do…to be the captain she wanted me to be now that she…is gone."

Renji pretended he didn't notice the tears in Kyoraku-soutaichou's eyes.

* * *

Renji only heard the voices as he began to exit the building. His brown eyes had echoed against the empty desk that was next to his own, exactly as it had been before the beginning of the war that tore their worlds apart. Renji refused to take Kuchiki-taichou's desk and continued to do the paperwork at his own desk. No one in the division had said a word.

Until now.

"…You mean Abarai-taichou, Kenta. We all know the former captain isn't going to wake up." Renji stilled, his heartbeat faint against his ears as the conversation continued. "I mean, he was defeated by his _own_ bankai! How pathetic is that!" The laughter coming across from the building made Renji's heart shatter, oozing black anger as his entire body started to shake. "And what's more, he was _defeated_ again. Can you believe that? Someone so weak shouldn't be the leader of any division."

 _Stop._ Renji thought as he gritted his teeth, trying to keep his reiatsu under control. _Stop talking!_

"I heard that the Shinigami wasn't even sociable. He even sent his own sister to death!" Renji felt cold rage tear through him, flashes of memory pouring through his mind as he remembered his taichou's expression as he said that Renji probably wanted him dead. The blood – so much of it – breaking free from Ichimaru's zanpakutou, splattering on the ground, Rukia's screams burning in his nightmares. "And Abarai-taichou was probably so scarred by him that he can't accept anyone else as his _taichou_ because he fears him!"

"Enough." The two Shinigami found themselves crushed beneath Renji's hands against the soft flesh of their necks. The two – young unseated officers, recent graduates from the Academy – stared at their superior in stunned silence with their eyes wide as the brown eyes surveyed them with cold and heavy disgust. "You have no right to speak of Kuchiki- _taichou_ in such a manner. Tell me," Renji rasped slightly as the two Shinigami began to shake, "have you ever personally known Kuchiki- _taichou_?" There was no response, and Renji felt a surge of anger at the sight of them. "Kuchiki- _taichou_ is never weak, and never _has_ been! Tell those same cowardly words you whispered to him just now, and I tell you will be dead before you hit the ground!"

One of them whispered something underneath his breath, and Renji's eyes widened at the smirk on the young Shinigami's face.

"He was weak…because he had to protect you, Abarai-taichou." Renji paled, his hands almost dropping the Shinigami on the ground. "Why do you think he got injured so badly against his own bankai?" Renji swallowed, his eyes losing focus as he remembered his own words to Kyoraku-soutaichou. _I failed him, I know that, but…_ "He fought to protect you, and he was already weak to begin then!"

The two Shinigami halted their muffled screams as their heads slammed against the wall. Renji stared at them in murderous rage, his reiatsu almost choking them. "I should kill you for speaking those very words," he stated as the Shinigami started to choke, spittle slowly dripping down their mouths. "For insulting Taichou most of all. I don't give a shit about me. But…when you insult the Shinigami who had protected your asses during the invasion, you make me wish he hadn't." Renji removed his hands, looking in disgust as the Shinigami heaved and gasped for breath on their knees. "I will sign your reassignment paperwork to the eleventh division tomorrow morning." He did not miss the dismayed gasps, and inwardly Renji grinned. "Now go."

"Renji-san?"

Renji made no sound as Rikichi moved towards him, his footsteps hesitant and unsure.

"Yes, Rikichi?" Renji had never felt so exhausted. Hearings those words from Kyoraku-soutaichou and the shitty subordinates made his head spin. _I have no idea what to do. I don't know…what to do._

 _Taichou…_

"I heard what you said, Renji-san." Slowly, Renji turned and looked at the unseated officer. His dark brown hair had grown longer considerably in the years that had passed since he had become a member of squad six. It was tied into a ponytail, reaching the back of his neck. The signature tattoo that he had gotten from admiring Renji shone in the moonlight briefly, and it took a moment for Renji to notice that Rikichi was wearing a thin white scarf around his neck. Similar in the manner of… Renji's eyes widened.

"I too believe in every word that you said. Kuchiki- _taichou_ will wake up, and you then you won't be so sad anymore."

"I'm not sad," Renji retorted immediately to the younger Shinigami. "I'm just…" He searched for the words and found none. _I'm….I'm what exactly?_

"In the beginning, I used to be so afraid of Kuchiki- _taichou_ ," Rikichi said with a self-conscious smile. "I couldn't even look at him, not to mention being in the same room with him. You were my hero, Renji, because you actually noticed me and I wasn't afraid of you. But…Renji, you also made me see of how admirable Kuchiki- _taichou_ is to me."

"How?" Renji asked.

Rikichi gave a small laugh, causing Renji to look at the Shinigami incredulously.

"You changed him, Renji- _san_. When you fought him, I was…surprised to say the least when I found his scarf covering your body. I wasn't certain what it meant, until I asked Rukia- _san_." A faint blush ordained his cheeks, and Renji continued to stare uncomprehending until Rikichi whispered, "It was a sign of respect, Renji-san. To cover you with a family heirloom…must be of how much he showed he respected and cared for you."

"W-wait," Renji stated, holding up his hands. His mind was unraveling at the information he was being bombarded with. "W-what do you mean, family heirloom? I know it's a sign of nobility to wear the hair piece thing he used to wear, but what does Kuchiki- _taichou_ 's scarf have to do with anything?"

Rikichi blinked at him. "I thought you spent forty years pursuing him, Renji-san. Didn't you know that the scarf Kuchiki-taichou wore was passed down from generations in the Kuchiki family?"

Renji felt heat rush to his face. "H-how was I supposed to know what the scarf meant? He didn't say a word to me when I handed it back to him anyway!"

"After your battle, Kuchiki- _taichou_ seemed to notice his division around him, including those who didn't hold a seated position," Rikichi continued as if the interruption hadn't happened. "One day when I was sick, Kuchiki-taichou came to me and asked me if I was unwell. I had no idea what to say, and…I was stunned to find a Kuchiki healer in my room, telling me that their leader had instructed him to take care of me." Rikichi smiled and looked at the stunned fukutaichou's face. "You noted his kindness right away, Renji-san after he changed. That's why…you refused to leave his side despite him almost killing you. You didn't hate him anymore."

"He didn't try to kill me," Renji stated softy. Rikichi looked at him, confusion in his dark orbs. "He would have if he was serious, like his battle with Ichigo. But he would have, and I still am amazed he didn't simply kill me because I broke so many laws to save Rukia. And…I didn't hate him, Rikichi." Renji remembered the moment when he had met Kuchiki-taichou, his heart in his throat as he felt the Shinigami's immense reiatsu. _Incredible…_ he had thought. His younger self had sought to know everything about the mysterious noble who was so strong, and strived to match his strength…but it was not out of hatred as many thought. "I simply…wanted to walk by his side. To show him…" _What?_ Renji thought as his voice died. So many times he had watched his taichou's back, the kanji for six embedded on his haori and his scarf flowing in the wind. "To show him that I was worthy enough to fight with him. And you noted of how he changed, didn't you, Rikichi?" He turned to the younger Shinigami and his eyes observed the white scarf across the Shinigami's neck. "That's why you admire him as well."

 _"Hai_ , Renji-san. But…" The red-haired Shinigami stared as Rikichi looked at him with genuine emotion in his eyes. An emotion Renji couldn't name. "To you, your life…is incomplete without his. You long for him…so much that empty spaces fill your heart without him."

 _Incomplete…?_ Renji thought as he stood alone in the night. The moon was shining brightly, the white light shining in Renji's eyes. _It is true that I have been…not myself, but…_ He thought of Kuchiki-taichou. The emptiness surged within him as he remembered of the calm harmony they shared working in the sixth division. He thought of how the older Shinigami would sometimes stare at the moon as he was now, his dark eyes looking at something far away, not responding to Renji's voice. _Incomplete…without you…_ Of how, after the fourth division had said they had done the best they could, Renji had visited his taichou every day to the point where the servants insisted he have a room there.

Senbonzakura shattered across his feet.

 _Incomplete…_


	3. Without You

_Without You_

 _Where…am I?_

Kuchiki Byakuya woke to find himself surrounded by sakura. He felt the pale pink petals against his skin, and calmed against their touch. The pain that had enveloped his body was gone. As his eyes wandered across the scenery, the male Kuchiki found that he could move quite easily. _The wounds are gone,_ he noted with a glance at his body. The once-gaping hole that had torn through his chest had disappeared, and the dark blood pouring from his wounds had gone as well.

 _Something…_

Instead of his uniform containing his haori, Byakuya was wearing a simple white yukata. His dark gray eyes stared at the hand that had touched his fukutaichou's cheek. _What possessed me to do such a thing?_ The noble thought with slight mystification. He had touched Renji tenderly, as one would caress a lover or person closest to your heart…and that was not their relationship. Byakuya's heart clenched painfully at the thought. _I promised myself…that I would never make Renji have such raw pain on his face. And as always…I broke that promise._ Byakuya stared at the sakura absently, wondering why Renji had cried. He had never, not even in his defeat against him to save Rukia, had lowered himself enough to cry in front of the Shinigami who took a deep part away from him. _He had every reason to hate me,_ Byakuya thought as he looked across the clear stream. A small bridge made out of wood touched both sides, and it was only then that Byakuya understood where he was. _The Kuchiki manor._ He saw the familiar stone figures and the sakura petals falling from the trees. _Why…am I here?_ The male Kuchiki slowly walked across the bridge, thinking of the multiple times he had walked with Hisana in this very same ground. Byakuya swallowed the aching grief in his heart at the thought of his beloved wife. _Fifty years after your death…and I still love you, Hisana._

He thought of Renji, remembering the last words he had said to him. _He said the same words to me when I was recovering in the hospital, never leaving my side. I never understood those words. I…had taken something precious away from him, his only light, when I adopted Rukia, and yet…_

"Jiisama…" Byakuya hoarsely whispered as the aged Shinigami stood in front of him. His white hair and the solemn expression on his face had not changed. Still, Byakuya could see a film of sadness in his eyes.

"Byakuya." The sound of his name was enough to make the noble almost break the mask he currently had. The memory of his grandfather's and mentor's death was still a raw wound, nightmares invading his dreams of blood and death and the failure. _Jiisama…_ Byakuya was stunned when he felt himself enveloped in his grandfather's arms, his body still as the former head of the Kuchiki clan lowered his grandson's head on his own neck. "My dear child…"

"Jiisama…" Byakuya whispered. He thought of the moment of when his grandfather had fallen, the Hollow disintegrating as screams echoed ceaselessly in the world of the Hollows. _It was I…who was screaming that day. And…_ "I have failed the sixth division and the Kuchiki clan because of your death." The aged Kuchiki looked at Byakuya, his face unreadable as the younger bowed his head. "I am sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Byakuya." Kuchiki Ginrei motioned for his grandson to stand fully, and smiled softly at the young Shinigami, sending a shock through the younger Kuchiki. "It was…my time."

"But Jiisama –!" Byakuya protested. The elder Kuchiki shook his head.

"There are others who wish to see you as well, Byakuya."

"Is he…?" Byakuya could not meet his grandfather's gaze, and attempted to conceal the raw pain in his heart.

"He is not," Kuchiki Ginrei stated carefully. "I have not seen him," he stated the dark gray depths that were desperately – and in vain – trying to conceal their pain. "However, there are others who want to meet you as well."

Byakuya nodded, leaving behind the half-formed memory in his mind as his grandfather moved and another figure emerged and walked to Byakuya. It was a slender figure, wearing a shihakushou and a vice-captain's badge.

"Tousama…" This time, Byakuya made no attempt in hiding his emotions. Grief filled anew with happiness at the sight of Kuchiki Sojun standing in front of him. The kind Shinigami who died too young smiled at his grown son.

"You have grown, Byakuya." His voice was as soft and kind as Byakuya remembered. "You have grown into a proud Shinigami, as I had hoped." The sakura seemed to surround them more as Kuchiki Sojun stroked his son's cheek. "I am proud of you."

"Tousama…" Byakuya whispered, knowing his voice had cracked. Tears were about to fall, and he was not about to dishonor his father from shedding them. He was not a child anymore. Both father and son were silent as they gazed at one another.

"Byakuya…" The younger Kuchiki held his breath as his father took his hand in his own. _They are not as small as they were when…_ "I want you to introduce you to someone."

Byakuya waited with his heart thumbing in his mind as a small woman came into view. She was wearing a dark blue kimono with a pattern of plum blossoms. Her hair was dark and tied back in the same silk as the material as the ginpaku kazano hana usuginu, and her light violet eyes shone with pure joy as she smiled.

Byakuya could not move as his mother, who had died during his birth, embraced him. He had…never known such a warm embrace had existed. _Kaasama…_ The tears shed from his eyes, but strangely he did not feel ashamed. His mother was embracing him for the first time, filling him with the warmth that she had not been able to fill him with life. Her smile was felt even as Byakuya could not see through his tears. He remembered of how he had been afraid to approach his father, before the vice-captain had gone on the mission to the human world that had killed him, on the day of his mother's death. He had been so afraid…that like the servants, he would blame the three year old child for his mother's death. Byakuya still remembered their words, even though it had been over one hundred years. But his father hadn't blamed him. He had walked him to his mother's grave and explained to him that his mother loved him, even though she had not lived to see his face. _"She still loves you, Byakuya."_ When his father had died, it had been his grandfather who had told him that his parents would want him to remember what they had lived and died for: him. And it was he who was going to honor their memory and become the Shinigami his parents knew he would become.

 _But…I have failed in so many ways. Rukia…was almost executed from my mistakes, and I could not protect anyone with my sword._ His mother reached up to touch his face, and he found tears were trailing down her cheeks as well. _Do not cry, my son,_ her eyes seemed to say. _I know you have carried guilt within yourself for so long…but it time to let it go._

"Byakuya-sama…" Byakuya's heart skipped a beat as his mother allowed him to be greeted by the woman who had captured his heart. "Byakuya-sama…" She was standing in the center, watching with her warm violet eyes as Byakuya's parents and grandfather looked at the petite dark-haired woman with fringed bangs between her forehead.

"I am…sad to see you here, Byakuya-sama…" Byakuya stilled, his eyes not deceiving him as his wife Hisana stared at him with grief. "You should not be here," she continued. "It is not your time, Byakuya-sama."

"Hisana…" Byakuya whispered as his voice thickened. "Hisana, I am sorry. I…could not protect Rukia, and I…"

He was silenced with a tender kiss. Byakuya's tears threatened to overwhelm him again as he stared into his wife's loving eyes, feeling the ghost of her gentle lips against his own.

"I made you fulfill a very hard promise, Byakuya-sama. I am sorry. It…was very difficult to break your promise to your beloved parent's graves and to me." She silenced his protests with another soft kiss, this time on the cheek. Byakuya stared into her eyes that reminded him so much of Rukia. "My little sister is happy now, and you did not betray your promise in the end Byakuya-sama." A smile reached her face before disappearing. "Byakuya-sama, you must live. There is more…so much more…to live for." Hisana brushed her small and fragile fingers against Byakuya's own. "You deserve to be happy, Byakuya-sama. There people who need you. Can't you…hear them?"

 _Renji…_ Byakuya immediately thought. The tears trailing down his vice-captain's cheeks as he was dying, and the raw expression and screams that Renji had made during his almost fatal-battle against As Nodt. _Renji…why did you cry? It was my will to protect you. And Rukia…_ He thought of how Rukia had avoided him during the weeks after cutting her hair, believing that cutting her hair would cause anger from him…as it would be the last piece of her older sister that she had thrown away. Byakuya had told her calmly that she was not be ashamed, and that the last living piece of Hisana was before him. Her smile brightened his world, and the enemy who had almost killed him showed him of how much he loved and cared for his adopted younger sister. Showing her dead corpse in his mind, rotting away. _Renji…_ In his mind eye, he could his vice-captain looking at him through sorrowful brown eyes, grasping his limp hand his own.

"You deserve to be happy, Byakuya-sama." The male Kuchiki turned, and found that his parents and grandfather were standing with his wife. Shock shook through Byakuya as he saw the scenery fading away, the figures of his family fading away.

"Hisana…!" he bellowed.

 _Wake up…Byakuya-sama….everyone needs you..._

 _Byakuya…_ The Shinigami turned, knowing that voice from anywhere. It was drowning in despair and tears. A flash of Renji's face appeared in his mind.

 _Renji…?_

* * *

Three months had passed. It was now January, with snow falling onto the ground. Renji was standing in Kuchiki-taichou's room as the noble continued to refuse to open his eyes, Kyoraku-soutaichou's words in his mind. _It has been three months…and yet…_ Renji gritted his teeth and clenched his hands. _Taichou…why won't you wake up?_ He had been beyond surprised when Rukia and Ichigo, both captains of the thirteenth and eighth divisions now, had come to visit the unconscious taichou. Although both of them were very busy in rebuilding their divisions, both the younger sister and the former Substitute Shinigami came by and offered their support. _"Niisama will definitely wake up, Renji,"_ the recent captain of the thirteenth division stated determinedly as her childhood friend stared at the pale face of his captain. Ichigo had tried to help too, in his own stupid way. _"Yeah, Byakuya's got to wake up to kick Rukia's ass for becoming a captain without his consent."_ Renji inwardly rolled his eyes as Rukia glared. Suddenly, Ichigo pulled his hand toward Rukia's and entwined their fingers. Renji watched, gaping, as a blush ordained Rukia's cheeks as Ichigo mumbled, _"He's also got to wake up to kill me when he finds out that I'm finally dating Rukia."_

Renji remembered with a slight smirk of how Ichigo had yelped when Renji punched him on the head. _"What the hell was that for?!"_ the captain of the eighth division yelled as he glared at the red-headed Shinigami.

 _"For not making moves sooner, you dumbass!"_ Renji had growled.

He stood alone in the room now, watching his captain breathe but not wake.

"I really want you to wake up, Taichou." Renji's brown orbs oozed in pain. "Not because I can't take over the division, but because I want…" Renji swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut in agony. _Taichou…_ He had been, as Zakari-taichou put it, _"a pathetic mess of flesh_. _"_ It seemed that the sixth division itself had become a place of mourning as the deadline of Renji accepting the position of the taichou of the sixth division drew nearer. He couldn't focus, and even his presence at Rukia's birthday celebration had been subdued and pathetic. And Renji found that he spent most time in Kuchiki-taichou's room than anywhere else. His younger self would have been appalled to find that he didn't go to any of the festivities or drinking during the week of New Year's. Instead, Renji had spent it with his taichou and watched his face.

"I cannot live without you…Kuchiki-taichou." Renji spoke slowly, drawing from the emotion and raw agony he had experienced in the last week. It was January 20, the day he was supposed to say he would accept the positon. Six months after the war had ended. He didn't want to go. He wanted to wait until the last second to Kyoraku-soutaichou. Renji didn't want to leave…Kuchiki Byakuya. "I want to say…that I cannot live without you in my word…Kuchiki-taichou." Renji grasped his captain's hands, feeling his taichou's beautiful hands in his own. _So beautiful…that's one of the things I admired about you, taichou. You have beautiful hands, deadly enough to kill and gentle enough to play a piano, one of the human instruments that Ichigo once told me about._ "I want you to wake…please…my taichou."

Renji was beyond the caring point that he was crying. He simply stared at his captain, feeling despair and agony run through his veins. "I need you by my side, Kuchiki-taichou!"

"Byakuya…"

The name was whispered against his lips, a soothing warmth going through him as he whispered the name of the Shinigami he…

"Byakuya…?"

Renji gasped his name, tears continuing to run down his cheeks as he saw the dark gray eyes he desperately wanted to see open slowly. His hand felt warm against his own, and the bleary eyes that began to open suddenly found his.

"…Ren…" Renji stared in shock as his captain tried to speak. His voice was weak and reedy. "Ren...ji…"

"Byakuya!" Renji embraced his captain before he could think, his arms around the dark-haired Shinigami as his head rested against Byakuya's neck. "Byakuya…" the red-haired Shinigami continued to whisper, thick tears pouring down his face as his voice thickened. Renji held his captain tighter.

"Byakuya!"

Neither had realized Renji had called his captain by his first name.


	4. Ever Present Feeling

_Ever Present Feeling_

"Are you ready, Taichou?"

The dark-haired noble slightly turned toward his vice-captain, his voice impassive and his face calm as it always had been. "I would not be here if I was not prepared, Renji." The male Kuchiki turned to the entrance to the sixth division, his dark eyes oblivious to the fact that his vice-captain was watching him carefully. "I am not made out of glass."

"I never thought you were, Taichou." Renji's taichou glanced in his direction, the red-head slightly blushing at the movement. Somehow despite his sudden racing heart, Renji managed to speak calmly. "I just know that today is your first day back in the division, and I…" he hesitated slightly, waiting for perhaps the noble to react, but he did not. "I want to make sure you don't push yourself," Renji finished with a faint whisper. Kuchiki-taichou said nothing for a moment, his eyes wandering back to the entrance of their division.

 _I wonder how much he knows…_ Renji thought as he watched his beautiful taichou, _of how…my feelings for him have changed over the past week since he woke up._ Renji remembered vividly of how he had refused to let his taichou go, even as he sensed the dark-haired Shinigami weakening in his arms when he finally opened his eyes. As if one moment would take him away again. _We never spoke of how I said his actual name,_ Renji thought as he further remembered that night. Kuchiki Byakuya hadn't said one word as his vice-captain sobbed into his shoulder, soaking the cotton yukata as the sobs echoed in the room. The captain had tried to say his name once Renji had calmed, his head resting slightly on his shoulder, before the red-haired Shinigami hastily wiped his eyes and told him to rest. The dark-haired Shinigami had tried to lower himself onto the futon, but was too weak to do so. Renji remembered of how he had gently lowered his taichou onto the soft material, his gaze never leaving those dark grey eyes. Kuchiki-taichou almost looked as if he wanted to say something then, but remained quiet and still as Renji hastily ran to the servants' quarters to tell them that their master had finally woken. When he returned, with a healer in tow, Renji found the dark-haired Shinigami asleep, his face peaceful and gentle as his hands lay calmly by his sides.

 _I never thought I had never seen something so beautiful,_ Renji thought. _And my thoughts…seemed to further surround him even further…if that was possible._ Again, Renji was behind the dark-haired noble as he walked inside his – _their_ – division. The kanji for six embedded on his haori. The only difference was that even though Kuchiki-taichou tried to hide it, there was a slight tension in his reiatsu, so weak and shallow that only Renji, who had spent forty years memorizing the reiatsu of the Kuchiki noble, noticed. Renji had watched as his taichou regained his strength, and was very moved to find that the servants in his household were very happy to find their master awake again. Although the beautiful gardens from the summer months were gone, Renji noted that his taichou would always stare outside when he thought no one was looking. There was almost a look of sadness on his face. _Sadness?_ Renji had thought. _Why the hell would he be sad?_ Then he had mentally slapped himself, cursing himself as the dumbest idiot in Sereitei. _He's thinking about his dead wife, you stupid baboon!_ Still, the look on Kuchiki-taichou's face would not leave his mind.

The dark-haired Shinigami had been surprisingly accepting of Rukia's promotion when the Kuchiki siblings, Ichigo, and Renji had dinner together two days after he had awoken. _"You will be the pride of the thirteenth division, as you have been mine, Rukia." Those were his exact words,_ Renji pondered. _He normally doesn't say sappy stuff like that. And Ichigo looked like a blow-fish from his expression!_ None had been more stunned by the captain's words than the older Kuchiki, who stilled and was unable to look at a shocked but tearfully happy Rukia throughout the entire dinner. _I wonder if Ichigo will survive Kuchiki-taichou's bankai now once he knows he's dating Rukia._ Renji slightly snickered despite himself. _It'll be a scratch compared to before!_

"Renji." The red-haired Shinigami stopped and realized they were almost to the main office where he and the captain worked. His brown eyes stared as Kuchiki-taichou suddenly pulled out a form and handed it to him. "I have to thank you…for everything you have done. And as a consequence –"

"Taichou?" Renji whispered, his hands shaking as he looked at the form with its elegant handwriting that he could barely read but every Shinigami knew, form the lowest unseated officer to the third seat. _A captain recommendation form! I've always…_ Renji gulped, hardly daring to look at Kuchiki-taichou. _It is true that I've always dreamt of this. To become a captain in my own right, to make others see my own strength, and that even a dog from Rukongai could even…!_ Renji sighed and he was surprised to find stark confusion in his taichou's eyes. _He probably thinks I thought I wanted this more than anything else. Hell, anyone would jump at a chance like this! But…_ Renji remembered of how it felt to fight by his taichou's side. _This feeling…_

"I can't accept this, Kuchiki-taichou!" Renji stated firmly. He noted of how the noble's expression became unreadable as Renji continued. "I mean, it's great and everything…hell, if you asked me this when I first became your vice-captain, I would jump to it!" He swallowed, suddenly feeling as if his heart was in his throat as Kuchiki-taichou's eyes briefly stared into his own. "I…" _Why is it so damn hard to say?_ Renji thought as his tongue suddenly become thick with sand. "I want to stay by your side, Taichou." _Always, Taichou,_ the younger Shinigami thought as he watched the Kuchiki noble stand silently for a couple of moments. Watching the dark hair frame his thin face and his dark gray eyes looking towards him before turning away. Renji almost didn't notice the small nod aimed at his direction.

 _What?!_ Renji did a double-take, attempting not to have his mouth open as he openly stared at Kuchiki-taichou. _He said yes?! I can't believe it…_ Renji thought as he continued to trail his taichou. He smiled for the first time since the day began, and felt soft laughter wanting to bubble from his lips. _I'm staying,_ Renji thought blissfully. _I'm staying by his side!_

His eutrophic thoughts calmed as Kuchiki-taichou opened the souji screen to their shared space, mist covering his eyes as the red-haired Shinigami realized now of what a lonely place it had been without his taichou. _There is no place I would rather be…than by your side, Kuchiki-taichou…_

* * *

Kuchiki Byakuya sighed silently as a hell butterfly interrupted his paperwork and landed on his finger. _Byakuya-sama,_ stated the cool voice of Head Councilor Kuchiki Norio, _your presence is required at the council hall meeting room at once._

Byakuya did not have to think in order to know what the apparent immediate meeting entitled. _They will pressure me to marry again,_ the dark haired noble thought darkly as he stood. It had not ceased to wander in his mind of why the council had not requested a meeting as soon as he had woken. After all, the elders had not waited for a day to pass before they summoned him to their hall following Hisana's death. Their carefully chosen words and silent scorn burned through his mind as he remembered the dull grief as the council of elders expressed their empty condolences to his younger self. _They took advantage of my weakness, and made it so that I would not break the rules again._ An image of Rukia, not able to meet his eyes and barely concealing her distress, haunted Byakuya despite the passage of time and a taichou's haori proudly lying on his sister's shoulders. _Since Rukia, I have not broken the rules. I promised my mother and father that I would no longer be selfish, and proudly uphold the honor of the Kuchiki name._

Every decade, the Council of Elders would try to persuade Byakuya to marry again, to remind him of his duties. _They do not seem to realize my heart belongs to Hisana…no, that is wrong,_ the dark-haired Shinigami thought as he told Renji coolly that he would come back to the sixth division at noon. He heard his vice-captain's voice at the corner of his mind, using flash step as he exited the building. _They insult my wife with every meeting I have with them, calling her unworthy of me._

A dull anger surged within the Kuchiki noble at the memories, something of which had been occurring lately. It was rare for his emotions to be as…noticeable, and Byakuya wondered what was the cause. _My connection with Senbonzakura has not detreated, and my powers are returning at a quicker rate than my healers had realized. This emotion…_ Byakuya stilled, standing motionless before the hall with its intricate designs with a large seal of the Kuchiki clan in the center. _Could it be…?_

Before anything could come to that thought, Byakuya thought of what had occurred with his vice-captain this morning. _I wonder why Renji refused. Certainly a Shinigami of his strength would accept._ The Head Councilor Kuchiki Norio stood before Byakuya as the Shinigami entered the room at the head of the multiple desks, and the multiple councilors and elders followed suit. Byakuya stood in the center of the room and waited for the meeting to begin. Even so, his thoughts remained on his elusive fukutaichou. _It is as he said. Years ago, he would have accepted the position as another division's taichou. Something has changed in his mindset._ The Kuchiki remembered faintly of how his vice-captain had held him tightly, his tears soaking the yukata that he wore during the first moments when he had woken. _It was Renji's voice that called me back,_ the noble thought at the memory of the sweet scent of plum blossoms. _I am…_

"Byakuya-sama, we have come to discuss the origin of your absence in recent events."

 _So it has come to this,_ Byakuya thought with slight sarcasm. _Usually they wait for my permission to continue._

"I was in a coma for six months, Head Councilor Norio," Byakuya intoned calmly. "My fukutaichou, Abarai Renji was in charge of the sixth division at that time. I am now conscious and I –"

"With all due respect, Byakuya-sama," stated Head Councilor Norio without pause, "you are weak." Byakuya saw several other elders nodding. "You have woken after half a year, defeated _twice_ in a battle regarding the recent enemies, and have almost _died_ because of it."

There was a pause.

"If I am honest, Byakuya-sama," Head Councilor Norio stated with coolness that Byakuya noted mirrored his own, "you have been weak since that half-breed Kurosaki Ichigo halted the execution of that _girl_."

Anger that Byakuya had not experienced a century started to rise as several elders started to speak.

"It is time that you marry, Byakuya-sama, so that you have an heir in the event of your death."

"It is _our_ duty to remind the Kuchiki clan head if he has strayed or weakened in strength and resolve," stated another. "Byakuya-sama, you have done both."

"It shames the Kuchiki clan that the _mistake_ continues to shame our clan," stated elder Nagato, his clear blue eyes glaring at Byakuya in open disgust. "I heard that _she_ has been made a captain of the Gotei 13." _They truly believe this,_ Byakuya thought as he struggled to control the dark anger seeping through his veins. _And they…_ "How weak the Gotei 13 has become."

"Perhaps we should choose another leader," stated a smooth voice.

Byakuya focused his gaze on the councilor and elder on the right. Although the elders and councilors referred to the same people, their influence upon the decisions of each noble family remained strong. _The only one who could defy the council and persuade them was Shihohin Yoruichi,_ Byakuya thought of his former senpai. _The council stands to guide the heads of the clans in their decisions, and has been the foundation of law for generations._ Byakuya's dark gray eyes locked onto the councilor who had spoken, staring briefly into those calculating green eyes before withdrawing. _Councilor Norinaga. My cousin, who has been trying to usurp me since I became the head of the clan half a century ago._ Forbidden memories flashed through his mind, a sneering teenage vivid. _Older than myself, and yet denied the leadership his father had sought._

"Has he even connected with his zanpakutou?" Councilor Norinaga continued, ignoring the slight gasps that echoed in the room amidst Byakuya's shock at the absurdity of such a challenge of leadership. _That is the lowest he can go,_ the dark-haired noble thought with growing rage. _To suggest my bond with Senbonzakura has been severed, the first sign if a Shinigami is capable._ Byakuya's hands clenched. _A Shinigami must connect with his or her zanpakutou in order to become stronger and one of the first signs of the bond between them. To suggest that I, who has had Senbonzakura by my side for over a century, is a direct challenge of leadership!_

"It is not the right time, Councilor Norinaga." Stated the elder across from him. "Byakuya-sama has not died, and he has not chosen a wife to marry and have an heir with her." There was an empty pause. "If you wish to discuss Byakuya-sama's leadership, Councilor Norinaga, you should proceed with a separate meeting with the council."

 _The council has never challenged a clan head to this extent. Never, not even when my father was alive…and this suggests they truly doubt my leadership. How low they have fallen with their short-sighted vision!_

"Enough." Byakuya's reiatsu spiked dangerously, and all the councilors besides Head Councilor Norio recoiled. "How dare you shame me by calling me weak," he hissed icily. "Weak?" he repeated, the reiatsu thickening with rage. "Until you have held a sword with your own hands, and felt the soul of your zanpakutou dying beside your own," Byakuya shouted as he could see the councilor's sweat falling from their foreheads and their breathing erratic from the choking reiatsu, "and willing to fight and die to protect something more than such _shallow_ ideas of honor and pride, then you did not deserve to know yourselves as strong!"

No one in the room spoke. The councilors appeared stunned of how the normally controlled and aloof Byakuya spoke to them, and the taichou swallowed thickly.

"This meeting is adjourned."

As soon as Byakuya exited the council room building, he found his left hand holding onto the bark of a tree as the Kuchiki clan head attempted to collect himself. _I do not know what possessed me to speak to them in that manner,_ Byakuya thought as his breathing slowed. _My hands are shaking,_ the noble thought as he saw his hands shaking and unable to hold onto anything properly. Byakuya's hands were at his sides, his thoughts deepening in…sadness as he stared at the sky.

 _I do not know what possessed me to allow Renji to remain as my vice-captain. The Gotei 13 needs as many captains with leadership and skill that I know Renji possesses. Why would I immediately nod, feeling this…childish happiness of having him by my side?_

Byakuya continued to stare at the sky, his thoughts clouding as the images of his fukutaichou walking with him by his side, his presence…his reiatsu…his smile that Byakuya secretly…

 _It will not be long now before he realizes my feelings for him,_ the dark-haired noble thought with a heavy heart. _And I cannot seem to conceal my feelings._

 _Why am I no longer in control of myself?_

Byakuya closed his eyes as a rush of sudden despair blinded him to his surroundings.

 _Akiya…_

* * *

 _Something's wrong with Kuchiki-taichou._ Ever since he had returned from wherever he had been, the dark-haired Kuchiki had been quiet. Quieter than what was normal. Renji had sneaked a few glances at the Kuchiki as he worked, but the Shinigami appeared to be fine on the surface, but Renji still looked at him, concern growing with each passing hour. It was now dark, and everyone but the taichou and fukutaichou had stopped working. Renji was putting the last documents away when he noted Kuchiki-taichou not moving from where he sat.

"Taichou?" Renji whispered. The dark-haired Shinigami appeared to look in his direction, and Renji inwardly gasped at the sight of sweat trickling down the Shinigami's neck. _I_ told _him not to push himself,_ Renji thought angrily as he flash-stepped by his taichou's side. _He's so stubborn when it comes to things like this!_

"I am fine, Renji." Renji tensed as he heard the slight breathlessness in his taichou's voice. The dark-haired Shinigami moved slowly, attempting to hide the cold sweat trickling down his neck from Renji as he suddenly swayed. Renji was about to move towards him when his taichou held his hand, slightly shaking. "I am fine, Abarai." _Shit…_ Renji thought with apprehension. _He only says that when he's really pissed! That, or seriously exhausted like he is now._ The male Kuchiki only made a few steps before his legs caved underneath from him and he started to fall.

"Taichou!" Renji was able to catch him before he fell. The taichou of the sixth division had his head against Renji's left shoulder, as the his vice-captain was awkwardly attempting to hold him gently to not hurt him and at the same time not damage whatever pride he had left. Looking closer, Renji could see now of how pale his taichou looked. Beads of sweat were starting to leak from his forehead, and his breathing was slightly ragged. _I have to do something!_ Renji thought furiously as he saw Kuchiki-taichou's eyes slightly open, only a dark sliver of gray to be seen. _I can't let him stay like this!_

"Do you…think I am weak, Renji?"

 _Huh?_ The incredulous question remained in his mind as Kuchiki-taichou opened his eyes fully. Renji was stunned to find his taichou's eyes to be raw with emotion.

"No, of course not, Kuchiki-taichou!" Renji shouted, then inwardly cringed at the loudness of his voice. _He doesn't need a headache from me from all else he's been through._ "You're the strongest Shinigami I know," he answered more quietly. "And that's the truth."

"These emotions…" Kuchiki-taichou stated softly, his voice barely a whisper. Renji watched as his taichou moved his face away from him. _As if that could hide how he's feeling!_ "These emotions…I have been experiencing…I have no control over them."

"What emotions are you talking about?" _Is this kind of what happened with Rukia the other day?_ Renji thought, the meeting flashing in his mind. _Or maybe…what happened today?_

"Why did you stay as my vice-captain, Renji?" Kuchiki-taichou asked.

 _Why is he asking that?_ Renji thought incredulously. _He's never asked that before, not when the shit when Aizen went down, not when he was defeated by that creepy Quincy, and not when he was recovering either!_ Renji's brown eyes narrowed. _What the hell is going on?_

"One question at a time, Taichou!" Renji half-joked. Seeing no response, the red-haired Shinigami sighed swallowed. _Out of all the questions, I wish he wouldn't have asked_ that _one._ "You're not weak, Kuchiki-taichou," Renji stated firmly. "You never were. I would know," Renji stated with a small laugh. Kuchiki-taichou's dark eyes seemed to follow him. "I admired you for forty years, and I never saw a moment of weakness. Even when you were defeated by Ichigo, you didn't truly lose. Losing is what happened to me that time," Renji said as the memory of being torn up with his blade broken at Ichigo's feet appeared in his mind. "You stood proud and…"

 _Beautiful,_ he wanted to say but stopped himself. "…Strong. The only reason why you were defeated was because you defended my ass," Renji whispered, guilt marring his insides. "That's why you were hit so much by As Nodt right?" Remorseful brown eyes bored into dark gray. "You protected me from your own bankai with your shikai, and he wounded you even more because of that." _Lying awake from nightmares, I wondered why he wounded you so much. It…took me only then that I realized you only got hurt, that you almost_ died _because I wasn't strong enough._ "And before, you took the hit that was supposed to be mine in our fight against the vice-captain of the Quincies or whatever," Renji continued. His taichou continued to be unmoved. "Emotions are okay, Kuchiki-taichou." He licked his lips, words echoing in his mind that he wanted to say but couldn't. "It's okay not be in control sometimes."

"Ever since I awoke, I have been feeling emotions more keenly than in the past century," the dark-haired Shinigami stated with his eyes boring into Renji's. "I…do not know how to handle them."

 _Neither do I,_ Renji thought. A gasp inwardly rose within him at the sight of clear liquid seeping from Kuchiki-taichou's eyes. _Tears…?_ Renji gaped. _Why is he…?_

"I do not understand why you would dedicate so much of your life to mine, Renji." The red-haired Shinigami could only stare as the former distant Kuchiki Byakuya continued to cry. "Why you are holding me now, seeing my weakness, when I have tried to kill you, and take away all that mattered to you." Renji's heart halted, his limbs turning cold as he remembered Rukia running from him, not seeing her for forty years. _It was because…_ "I meant what I said when I said you probably wished me dead, Renji." _It was because…I thought I wasn't worth enough to her. She was getting a family, and I…no matter how many years we lived in Inuzuri, I couldn't complete it._ "I almost executed Rukia, blinded by my own belief of law, and have failed to protect my subordinates…including you, Renji."

"Don't you dare speak anymore, Taichou!" Renji yelled. "Don't you dare speak another word, because the Shinigami I have always respected would never lower himself like this! That Shinigami…" Renji whispered, his heart beating in his chest, as tears continued to trail down Kuchiki-taichou's cheeks. "That Shinigami…would know in his heart of how I felt, how we _all_ feel about you." A strange calmness took a hold of the younger Shinigami, and he lowered his palm on his captain's cheek. "So please…don't cry. _Nakanaide...onegai._ I cannot bear to see your tears, Taichou."

"And…" Taichou whispered, his voice quiet. "How do you feel in your heart, Renji?"

 _Ore wa…_ Renji thought as the palm circled his beautiful, crying captain's face, pulling his face towards his. _Ore wa…_

 _"Ore wa anata o aishiteru,"_ Renji whispered.

His taichou widened his eyes, and for a moment was unable to speak. Renji softly smiled, happy that he was able to say the words that had been echoing in his heart. _I've always…admired you. I don't know when or how the feeling changed, but I'm suddenly happy. For some reason…_

The vice-captain was shocked to find his captain looking at him with tenderness.

 _"Watashi mo…"_ His captain whispered, moving his face closer and closer to the red-head's. _"Watashi mo anata o…aishiteru."_

Before Renji could speak, the vice-captain felt warm lips touch his own. The touch was brief, almost non-existent, but Renji a tingling in his lips that hadn't occurred before.

 _"Saigo…no…mou ichido…"_ His taichou whispered as his eyes slowly closed as he fell asleep soundly.

" _Saigo no mou…ichido…_ Renji."

* * *

 _Ore wa anata o aishiteru -_ I love you

 _Watashi mo...anata o aishiteru_ \- I love you too.

 _Saigo no mou ichido -_ This is the last time.


	5. Aftermath

_Aftermath_

 _What the hell just happened?_ was Renji's first thought. His taichou had fallen asleep in his arms, and Renji found himself staring at the Shinigami. It took all of his willpower to not touch his lips. _I can't believe that happened!_ Renji thought as the scenes replayed in his mind. Kuchiki-taichou leaning against him as he spoke, the raw agony in his expression, and… _I can't make sense of this!_ The red-haired Shinigami thought as he carried his taichou bridal style – which caused a hue of pink to frame his cheeks – until he reached the quarters Kuchiki-taichou would reside in if he decided to continue working until daybreak. _He pushes himself too hard, as always,_ the vice-captain thought as he stared at the sleeping Kuchiki Byakuya. _When I first became his vice-captain, I was always mystified why he would stay all night doing paperwork. In the eleventh, Zaraki-taichou hardly did_ any _paperwork! All the seated offices were assigned the horrifying task, and it was fun when everyone had no idea what the hell they were doing!_ Renji half-smiled at the memory, thinking of how most of the time the paperwork would always be put off until the last minute because everyone – especially him – would be fighting and beating the shit out of each other. _It was quite a change from the eleventh to the sixth…and I hated everything in the beginning…but now…_

 _Did we really kiss?_ Now Renji touched his lips, remembering the moment when the supposed emotionless Kuchiki Byakuya kissed him. _It was so soft I didn't even know what happened for a couple of moments._ His heart leapt through his ribs at the thought of exchanging a kiss his taichou, and Renji swallowed thickly. _I can't believe I said that too!_ The younger Shinigami burned as red as his hair, and he stared at Kuchiki-taichou, his thoughts becoming a chaotic mess as he thought of what had been said to him.

 _It feels like a dream._ Although Renji had never said this, the first time he had seen his taichou without the kenseiken was when he was in the hospital following Aizen's defection. _I thought his hair was…beautiful without the kenseiken. …Even more than usual, anyway. I wanted…to actually run my hands through his hair to see what if it felt as soft as it looked._ Renji caught himself with his hand reaching towards his taichou's hair, and hurriedly pulled the hand to his sides. _I never thought he had such feelings for me. I don't even know what to think!_ Renji looked back at his taichou as he reluctantly left the Shinigami's side. _I like him…but did he truly mean that?_

Somehow Renji found himself at a bar, the sake he was supposed to be consuming still in the small cup as the moment when Kuchiki Byakuya said those words echoing through his mind. _How could he ever like someone like me anyway? I'm just a Rukon dog, and he's…_

"Why aren't you drinking like you used to?"

Renji looked up from his drink and found a scowling Ikkaku with his own bottle of sake half empty. The eleventh division badge signifying his rank as a fukutaichou was across the top left of his arm, and Renji painfully looked away. He heard the bald Shinigami sigh and sit across from him, the usual companion Yumichika across from his friend.

"Aren't you supposed to be happy, instead making a disgusting face like that?" Ikkaku asked through a mouthful of sake. "Your taichou is awake and everything."

"Well, I would be if he hadn't kissed me," Renji retorted. Then his brown eyes widened and he looked across as Ikkaku choked and spat out his sake on Yumichika's face. The now-third seat did not seem disturbed by his friend's inability to breathe as the he continued to cough and splutter, and nor did he seem surprised by Renji's statement.

"I would prefer if you did not stain your bodily fluids over someone as beautiful as I," the vain Shinigami stated, and then promptly used a washcloth to clean his face from sake.

"Sh-shut up, Yumichika," Ikkaku rasped as he continued to cough. "And you don't seem surprised by whatever Renji said either." Ikkaku's small eyes glanced at Renji, who was doing his best not to look at his friends from the eleventh division. Ikkaku took another sip of sake.

"It was all the signs." Yumichika sighed exasperatedly another spray of sake landed on his face as Renji shouted "What signs?!" as the redhead desperately tried to hide the blush across his cheeks.

"Yo." _Great,_ Renji thought as Ichigo came over to the bar with his gigantic zanpakutou across his shoulder and slouched down before staring at drenched Yumichika and a coughing Ikkaku. _Just great. Now what the hell am I supposed to do?_ "Did you guys fight again or something?"

"Nothing of the sort, Kurosaki-taichou," Yumichika stated smoothly as he wiped off the sake off his face. "Renji was just telling us of how engaged in a sign of love with Kuchiki-taichou."

"I told you to –" Then Ichigo's mouth gaped open.

"WHAT?!" he screamed.

Renji groaned. _Just kill me now,_ he pleaded. _Just please, end this suffering!_

"You didn't know?" Yumichika stated with a hint of a smirk.

"I thought…" Ichigo stated stunned, "that Renji liked _Rukia_!"

" _Rukia?"_ Renji repeated incredulously. "She's a comrade!"

"But…" Ichigo seemed to find it hard to speak, and he continued to stare at Renji as if he had declared that he was in league with Aizen. "You pleaded with me to save Rukia when you got your ass kicked by me!" _Don't remind me,_ Renji thought with a scowl. _Kuchiki-taichou almost fired me for that. Then he got his ass kicked by you._ A thought suddenly came to him. _Is that why I wasn't fired after all that shit…?_ "And you protected Rukia from Aizen even though you got your ass kicked again!"

"Enough making me look weak, Ichigo!" Renji retorted hotly at the orange-haired Shinigami. "And Taichou protected Rukia too, with his own body from Ichimaru!"

"That still doesn't explain to me of how you actually _like_ the guy who tried to kill you and had sex with him!"

Ichigo's shout was met with blank stares.

"I was talking about an exchange of affection, Kurosaki-taichou," Yumichika stated as Renji became as red as his hair and spluttered. Ikkaku was roaring with laughter. "They simply kissed, nothing more."

"Actually, he kissed me," Renji mumbled. The red-haired Shinigami didn't have to look to see that Ichigo's mouth had dropped.

"I find it hard to believe that Kuchiki-taichou would love anyone," Ikkaku interrupted. Ichigo nodded in agreement. "I mean, how can you stand him, Renji? He's not very exciting. I mean, Yachiru had a crush on him, but she was only –"

"Yachiru had a crush on Taichou?" Now it was Renji's turn to gap. "Since when?"

"You were in the eleventh division for forty years, Renji," Ikkaku drawled. "You tell me. Didn't you find it odd of how Yachiru was always in that stuffy mansion whenever she wasn't biting my head or playing with everyone? She called him a weird nickname too. Usually she called people by what they looked like, but she called him _Byakushi_." A snicker framed his face for a moment before a solemn expression appeared. "We still don't understand of what happened to her."

"You said that she disappeared after Kenpachi's fight with the Quincy, right?" Ichigo stated with a serious expression. He too had heard about the eleventh division's fukutaichou's disappearance.

"Yeah." Ikkaku was staring into his cup. "It took Taichou a long time to promote me to the vice-captain positon."

 _Kuchiki-taichou didn't take it well, either._ Renji thought as he remembered as the dark-haired Shinigami abruptly went outside in only his yukata and stared at the frozen pond after Renji had told him about the pink-haired child's disappearance. _I thought he hated her, but…he told me that he actually adored her. Telling me those things…wasn't like Taichou. It's been almost a year since the war, and still no sign of her. Most people think she's good as dead because she hasn't appeared since, but something tells me otherwise._

"Wait." Renji turned to find Ichigo staring at him with a mystified expression growing on his face. "Is that what you were about to say when I yelled through the window at the time when you guys were in the hospital after Aizen?" Immediately, Ikkaku and Yumichika leaned in.

"That's not it, _teme_!" Renji yelled as a blush ordained his cheeks. "I was just…going to tell him that I didn't actually hate him!" Before the bewildered duo could open their mouths, Renji continued. "I just…couldn't allow him to see him sad. Seeing his tears…it hurt. Like _I_ would cry if I saw his tears."

Ichigo was quiet. His brown eyes darkened slightly, and he didn't speak for a minute.

"Inoue said something similar when she told me that she loved me," he replied subdued. "She smiled when I told her that I didn't feel the same way as her, but I could see that she was hurt." The orange-haired Shinigami sighed. "I'm glad Ishida is with her to help her."

"I can't believe we actually thought he was on Yhwach's side," Renji hissed in anger as he thought of how a grievously wounded Ishida had been brought into the fourth division, Ichigo yelling profanities and the other orange-haired human sobbing as the Hanatarou healed him. It was later revealed that Ishida had been against Yhwach all along, and had almost paid with his soul when he abandoned his post to fight his former king as Ichigo was about to die. _He saved the entire world – all of them – by pretending he was an enemy. He lost his Quincy powers, and doesn't even have any spiritual energy anymore…but he seemed very happy when Inoue said that she would take care of him._

"I believe they will l fall in love as well," Yumichika quipped. "Although, I do believe this Ishida already had feelings for her."

"Matsumoto!" The Shinigami jumped at the sound of a familiar voice. Renji peeked to find Hitsugaya-taichou of the tenth division yelling at his intoxicated vice-captain. Beside the raging captain was Hinamori, who was attempting to calm the younger Shinigami to no avail.

"I had no idea she was there," Ikkaku muttered as he looked across at the unconscious female Shinigami. "Too caught up in Renji's supposed love affair."

The three Shinigami sweat-dropped as the youngest captain of the Gotei 13 lifted his drunk vice-captain on his back and left the bar. Hinamori stayed behind, her face worried as she stayed at the place where Hitsugaya-taichou had stood moments before.

"Oi, Momo!" Hinamori jumped slightly and gave a brief smile to Renji as the Shinigami stated her given name. "Have a drink with us," he almost pleaded. _It'll place the attention off of me!_

"No, I should go back to my division," Hinamori stated without a glance at her former classmate. For a moment she was silent. "Did you notice anything wrong about Shiro-chan lately?" she asked.

"Huh?" Renji asked, racking his brains as he tried to remember anything obvious since the white-haired taichou had been revived – because the real explanation was too damn difficult – by Mayuri. "What do you mean? He seems the same to me," he added, not noting of how Hinamori unusually called her childhood friend by the nickname she called him.

"He seems different, somehow," Hinamori confessed as worry continued to mar her small face. "Like there is something weighing on his mind, something that he won't tell me." A frown appeared on her face.

"Shiro-chan!" she called. "Wait!"

"How long do you think it'll take before they get together?" Yumichika asked.

"About as long as it took for Hinamori to get over Aizen," Renji said without thinking. "Crap," he said as he hung his head. "I shouldn't have said that, should I?"

"She actually visited him in his prison cell after the war," Ikkaku said with a frown. "She finally had the balls to tell him that she isn't the vice-captain who adored him, and is her own woman now."

"I still can't believe she had to save Shinji's ass," Ichigo snorted with laughter. "His expression must have been hilarious."

"I had no idea she had trained as hard as she did after what happened with Aizen," Renji muttered as he remembered the flames of the battlefield. "It was partly because of her that we even won the battle."

"And then you thought it would be a good idea to join your taichou in battle," Ichigo stated with a mystified expression. "I swear, Renji, you almost worship him more than Rukia does."

"And I bet that's annoying to you," Renji said with a smirk at Ichigo's frustrated expression. "It's always "Nii-smaa" this and "Nii-sama" that."

"Yeah," Ichigo grunted, "but I love her," he stated with a soft expression at the mention of the other dark-haired Kuchiki. "She my light, you know, and she stopped my rain."

"I do not doubt you love her, Ichigo." Renji said. "I just can't believe it took you that long to notice."

"I had other things on my mind!" Ichigo retorted. "Anyway," he said with a glance at the red-head, "what are you going to do about Byakuya?"

Even at the sound of his name now, Renji felt his heart begin to pound rapidly. A smile wanted to appear on his lips at the thought of his taichou, and he found that he could not resist. "I plan to talk to him tomorrow," was his reply. He didn't trust himself to look at them from the faint blush on his cheeks. "Hopefully…it goes well."

* * *

 _A dream?_ Byakuya thought of the dream he had, of Renji holding him across his chest. He had been crying. _I…kissed him_ , Byakuya thought as the dream resurfaced in his mind. The faint brush of Renji's lips echoed in his mind. _It felt so real. So real…I could feel his arms around me, and my heart…_ Byakuya lifted his hand and laid it across his heart, feeling the racing heartbeat. _It's still racing, as if it actually happened. I have no idea how I ended up in the captain quarters, awaking to find no one._ The tears that had caressed his cheeks had seemed so real as well. _…Weeping because of the emotions I have, that are no longer under my control. I…was not able to suppress my feelings for Renji any longer, and although my mind told me to stop, my heart…_

Byakuya closed his eyes and sat up in his bed, the sheets light against his skin. _The dream felt so real, but cannot be. I…have done so many terrible things. One too terrible to admit. Too much guilt and shame to ever be worthy of your warm, beautiful heart, Renji. I –_

A sudden movement made his thoughts cease, and Byakuya's eyes snapped open to find no presence. _I feel a reiatsu…foul and tainted like a Hollow's, but something is different._

"Who is there?" he called. The Kuchiki reached out for Senbonzakura, feeling the familiar hilt against his palm. There was nothing. Then, inches from his face, he saw something.

It was a Hollow. It was almost pure white, with a black mask across its face. A dark hole was across it heart, and Byakuya was motionless as the Hollow reached its hand to touch his face. _Cold…_ he thought. Inwardly, he thought of sheathing Senbonzakura but found himself unable to. Byakuya couldn't move. A gasp almost came from him as the Hollow slowly moved its mask from its face.

Only its eyes. Byakuya could see the dark gray eyes, the same shape as his own as they stared into his eyes.

Exactly the same.

"You…"

His world abruptly became black as the Hollow opened a garganta and pulled him away.

* * *

All the characters introduced/or mentioned in the story will have their part to play. Now the actual plot starts, and I hope people will enjoy it!


	6. Siblings

_Siblings_

"Kuchiki-hime is late."

Kuchiki Rukia, the new taichou of the thirteenth division, attempted to calm herself at the sound of Zakari-taichou calling his fellow captain by a nickname he knew he hated. _I didn't really notice of how Nii-sama and Zakari-taichou openly detested each other until I became a captain. Nii-sama…always seemed to the one who would be the least person to compete with anyone, but it seems the dislike is mutual. Ichigo still finds it hilarious that Zakari-taichou calls Nii-sama by that nickname, but I find it to be insulting!_ The petite Kuchiki did note that the captain of the eleventh division spoke the truth. _Nii-sama was never late to a captain's meeting. I always heard Renji complain of how Nii-sama would always have a huge pile of paperwork for him to do._ The female Shinigami's violet eyes eyed the empty space worriedly. _Nii-sama didn't arrive home last night either._ It was odd to call the Kuchiki manor home after all the decades she had spent lonely and unhappy in that place. Since Aizen's defection however, Nii-sama had been melting the cold aura he always presented himself with, and the two siblings began to grow close. _Renji was affected as well, I think._

Rukia never mentioned of how she noted that her childhood friend's growing feelings for her older brother, or of how worried she had been for Renji when his taichou had been in the coma for half a year. _It was pure hell for him…but I never mentioned of how his loyalty towards Nii-sama extended beyond that of a vice-captain. Of how he seemed to forget every rule we had learned when he was by my brother's side. Something that Ichigo would find hilarious and pick on poor Renji if he knew._ Rukia smiled softly at the thought of her boyfriend, and almost wanted to laugh at the uncharacteristic bashfulness aimed in her direction when he caught her staring. _I love seeing him like that with such a ridiculous face._ Rukia had been beyond shocked when Ichigo had confessed to her. _I never thought I would fall in love with him. I thought it wasn't something that would happen to me. But then,_ Rukia thought with fondness at the thought of Nii-sama and of the story of her older sister Hisana. _Nii-sama probably never thought he would fall in love with my older sister, or with…_

"Oi, Shunsui, can I go wake the princess or no?"

 _I do not understand why he continues to call Nii-sama by that undignified nickname!_ At the corner of her eye, Rukia could see Ichigo struggling not to smile.

"I do not believe that would be wise, Zakari-taichou," stated Soutaichou without a hint of humor at the suggestion of the towering Shinigami. "But it is extremely unusual that Kuchiki –"

The doors to the captain meeting hall opened, and Rukia couldn't help but to turn her head around excitedly, certain that Nii-sama would certainly have arrived by now.

It was not Nii-sama. Rukia's blood became cold at the sight of the elder in front of her, recognizing his cold green eyes and dark hair so much like the taichou of the sixth division. _But…his reiatsu..._ Ever since she had been adopted into the Kuchiki clan, Rukia had seen this elder member from afar, his white robes immaculately clean and his face with a slight sneering expression whenever he saw her. Nii-sama would never allow her to meet with his cousin alone, and a polite mask of indifference would always cover the elder's features, even though Rukia knew there was something _wrong_ with this Kuchiki Norinaga.

"Councilor Kuchiki Norinaga," Soutaichou stated calmly as Rukia stared directly ahead of her, "of what is the cause of this visit? I presumed the Kuchiki Council of Elders preferred to stay out of Gotei 13 affairs."

"I apologize for this transgression, Soutaichou-sama," intoned the Kuchiki, "but I believe it is time to choose a new leader for the Kuchiki clan."

 _No…_ Rukia thought with cold fear, her heart colder than her bankai. _No…why would they…?_

"No council member can come and state the appointment of a new clan leader," stated Soi-Fon-taichou with a glare at the council member. "Kuchiki-taichou is still –" Suddenly, her expression froze and a look of shock framed the second division's captain's usual stern expression. "Impossible…" she breathed.

"I see that you noted that Kuchiki-taichou's reiastu has disappeared," Kuchiki Norinaga stated so smoothly Rukia resisted the urge to sheathe her zanpakutou. "It is true, Gotei 13." His cold green eyes surveyed the thirteen captain's, lingering especially on Rukia's for a moment. "Kuchiki Byakuya has disappeared, with no trace behind. As such –"

"Hold on!" Ichigo yelled with his taichou's haori rising from the surge of his reiatsu. "How can you just dismiss that? Byakuya's your leader, right?" Rukia felt burning anger as well at the councilor's statements. _Nii-sama is not dead! Renji would –!_ "Why aren't you looking for him, you scumbag?" the orange-haired Shinigami stated with barely concealed disgust. "I fought him, so I know that Byakuya is anything but weak!"

"And yet my cousin was weak enough to be defeated by you, Kurosaki Ichigo," Norinaga stated without a change in his expression. "And now he is weak enough to be kidnapped by a Hollow."

"Even if that _was_ true, Councilor Norinaga," Rukia stated with practiced calmness that her life in the Kuchiki manor had taught her, "Renji would certainly die before anything would happen to Nii-sama."

A sly smile suddenly appeared on the councilor's face, and Rukia barely suppressed a shudder.

"I heard similar words from that vice-captain as well. He seemed…extremely concerned about the whereabouts of my dear cousin, and demanded why the "stuffy nobles" as he called then, were not looking for Byakuya-sama."

"You state the name of one of our own captains with barely concealed ill, Councilor Norinaga," stated Hitsugaya-taichou. "Are you certain there are no malicious feelings between the two of you that would affect your decision?"

"Councilor Norinaga," Soutaichou intoned carefully, "has the Kuchiki Council of Elders truly made this decision?"

There was no pause. "Hai."

 _Why would they want to remove Nii-sama from leadership?_ Rukia thought furiously as Ichigo was looking with rage at Norinaga. The other captains as well were staring the scene grimly. _He hasn't done anything to require investigation!_

"Is your clan's pride truly worth more than your clan leader's life?" There was dismay and disgust…and something else in Soutaichou's voice that Rukia could not name that she heard. _I haven't heard him speak like this since before the war,_ Rukia thought stunned as she felt the faint rise of anger in Soutaichou's reiatsu. _With so much…_

Councilor Norinaga did not smile. "We would die for our pride, Soutaichou-sama," the Kuchiki stated without a glance back at the Gotei 13. "Surely you, of all people, would know that."

There was heavy silence as the door closed behind the council member. Rukia's violet eyes stared at the ground, determined not to show anyone of the emotions that she felt now.

"Kuchiki-taichou and Kurosaki-taichou," Soutaichou stated almost immediately, pausing only to push his straw hat further down his face. Rukia looked up and dread began to gather within her when the former eighth division taichou started walking to the doors exiting out the hall. "Come with me. We need to go to the sixth division."

Rukia could feel that something was _very_ wrong by the expression of shock and then fear on Soutaichou's face as he sensed the reiatsu in the captain quarter's bedroom. Beside her, Renji attempted to keep his distressed reiatsu under control. _I sense only a Hollow,_ Rukia thought with growing uncertainty as the tense seconds passed. _I don't understand either. How would a Hollow be strong enough to defeat Nii-sama, even weakened as he is? And…_

"Go to Urahara Shoten," came the immediate order from Soutaichou. He ignored the shouts of protests by Ichigo and Renji, and still stared at the place where the Hollow's reiatsu was the strongest. "Find Shihouhin Yoruichi," stated the commander at the bewildered faces of the captain-level Shinigami. "She will provide you with the information you need."

"Information?" Renji almost screamed. His reiatsu spiked, and Rukia flinched at the heaviness of it. "What information do we need to rescue Kuchiki-taichou from a goddamned Hollow?"

"It is not an ordinary Hollow," Soutaichou said. "That Hollow was used to be a Shinigami."

* * *

Byakuya awoke to find himself in a pure white robe. His taichou haori had disappeared with his shihakushou, and his feet were bare. He recognized the interior of the place immediately. _Why would this Hollow transport me to Aizen's former palace?_ _Senbonzakura…_ Byakuya immediately thought as he felt for his zanpakutou to no avail. _What would cause such carelessness? I have never had Senbonzakura from my side, expect…_ Byakuya remembered of how his bankai had been used against him in the fight against As Nodt. _I was defeated shamefully, and remember every moment of my failure._ His mind flashed to Renji. _I became stronger, much stronger, but was defeated yet again by another foe. And your words…_

"You have awoken." Byakuya stood at the sight of the Hollow. He was inwardly surprised that the Hollow could speak, observing the dark hole in the heart and the mask covering its face. A kido spell was on his lips. A memory of seeing eyes identical to his own came to his mind then, and Byakuya felt an apprehension that he hadn't felt since…

"What are you? Why have you not devoured my soul?" he inquired quietly.

The Hollow didn't move for a moment. Suddenly, its hands moved to its mask again and Byakuya felt a strange coldness overcome him. His heart started to race and his dark gray eyes widened as the mask clattered to the ground.

The face that stared at Byakuya as it transformed never left the other's face. Byakuya stared, his dark gray eyes widening impossibly wide as his heart beat as if it was about to burst out of his chest. _Impossible…_ the Kuchiki male thought as his hands started to tremble. _Impossible…This is…_

"You are…" Byakuya gasped. His breathing hitched, and he fought the nausea coming in his throat. "You…im…possible…" he rasped.

"Yes." The voice was his own. The same dark gray eyes and thin face stared back at him. "It is me…"

"Otouto."

* * *

Shihouhin Yoruichi stood in front of the Shinigami, her expression becoming more serious by the moment as Rukia explained of what happened.

"I never thought that the Kuchiki clan would go so far to disown Byakuya-bo," she stated calmly with her arms across her chest. "To think that –" She paused at the gaping looks Renji and Ichigo were giving her. "What?"

"Um…why did you just call Kuchiki-taichou Byakuya-bo?" Renji asked with a bewildered expression. Yoruichi grinned.

"I was the one who taught him flash step!" she announced smugly. Both Renji's and Ichigo's jaws dropped. "Ichigo, you were there when we starting playing tag again –" _Playing tag?_ Rukia thought incredulously as the male Shinigami sweat-dropped – "– so you should know that I have a past relationship with him!"

"Past relationship?" Renji blurted, then stopped and refused to look at the growing grin on the former noblewoman's face. "I mean, why did Soutaichou want us to come to you?"

Yoruichi's grin became a thin line as she was silent. "There's no way that Byakuya-bo wouldn't have able to take out a strong Hollow, and why the Kuchiki clan would allow him, the strongest clan leader in generations, to simply remain missing is just –" Suddenly, Yoruichi stilled and an expression of growing horror remained as the silence continued.

"We need to rescue Byakuya-bo right away," she whispered.

"We know that," Renji retorted. "What's the issue now?"

Yoruichi closed her eyes and sighed.

"This…is a secret that only those who were there that day know, and the Kuchiki clan is forbidden to speak of it." Yoruichi stared at them with solemn eyes, darker than before as she sighed quietly again. "Kisuke only found out about it because of everything he _does_ know. The Kuchiki clan does not want to rescue Byakuya because of the dark secret."

"A dark secret?" Rukia asked. "What's so terrible that Nii-sama can't even speak of it, and what does it have to do with him?"

"Byakuya," Yoruichi stated slowly, "is especially forbidden to speak of it. I don't know if any of you know this, but the Kuchiki and Shihouhin clans have had ties within another for generations."

"Is that…why you were the one who taught Nii-sama flash step?" Rukia asked quietly.

Yoruichi nodded. "Yes. I was there when he was born. The most boring day of my life," she sighed.

"Wait." Yoruichi stared at Ichigo's bewildered expression. "How _old_ is Byakuya, anyway?"

"He's two hundred years old," Yoruichi said to Rukia's and Renji's shock. "I know, he appears old because he has a stick up his ass all the time, but he's actually only fifty years older than Rukia and Renji. I was there when he was born, as I said before." An expression of sadness echoed on her face. "I remember every moment of it."

" _Why are you so angry, Yoruichi-san?" Kisuke's smiling face irritated the Shihouhin heir, and she glared in the blond-haired child's direction. "This is supposed to be a joyous occasion to foster relationships between –"_

" _Did you get that from my father?" Yoruichi growled as she suddenly pounced on her the smaller child and grabbed his face. "We could be playing outside in the snow with Tessai, but instead, we have to wait for the Kuchiki brats to be born!"_

" _Don't be like that, Yoruichi-san," stated Kisuke in a sing-song voice. His large eyes looked into his friend's. "We'll at least get to –"_

" _And didn't I tell you to stop calling me Yoruichi-san?" the purple-haired child snapped. Kisuke only smiled at her._

" _I'm only from Rukongai, Yoruichi-san, so –"_

" _How many times have I told you that it doesn't matter? You live in my mansion after my father had to rescue your stupid ass!"_

" _You shouldn't say such language, Yoruichi-san," Kisuke continued to say as the Shihouhin heir became angrier by the minute. "Maybe you should –"_

 _There was a cry suddenly. It was loud, and invaded Yoruichi's ears. For some reason the child found herself not be annoyed. In fact, she felt…_

 _Yoruichi remembered of how another child was born, not being able to be held in his mother's arms. She remembered of how the Kuchiki healers were running back and forth to the room where Lady Kuchiki was in, the dark stain of blood against their robes. That was the first time that Yoruichi ever saw blood. The child remembered of how Kuchiki Soujun was ordered outside as his wife lay dying. The trembling of his limbs and the paleness of his wife as his father, Kuchiki Ginrei, stood by his side. No one said a word, not even headstrong Yoruichi, when the head healer told the father and son that Lady Kuchiki had died moments before. "She was…too weak, Soujun-sama. I am sorry. The heirs…" The healer was not able to speak, pushed gently aside by the elder Kuchiki as his son stepped inside the room where his wife had died._

 _Later, Yoruichi held a newborn Byakuya in a blanket as the tiny Kuchiki slept, the dark hair thick over his head and his hands slightly clenching the blanket inside._

 _Beside her, Kisuke held the other child in his arms._

"Two hundred years ago, Byakuya was born, yes." Yoruichi stated quietly. "But that was also the day when his mother died."

"His mother…died giving birth to him?" Renji asked incredulously. Yoruichi nodded. "I…had no idea," Renji said subdued with an expression of shock still on his face. "Did you know, Rukia?"

"No," Rukia breathed. "I…" _I always thought Nii-sama didn't like to celebrate his birthday because he doesn't seem to notice those kind of things. The servants would never say a word as Nii-sama would always visit the graves of his parents on his birthday. I…once went to look for him one time after Aizen, and thought he was visiting my sister again when I looked closer._ Rukia remembered of the photo of the woman in the photo, her dark hair tied back with the same material, Rukia noted with shock, of the scarf her brother wore. She was beautiful, with kind eyes and a peaceful expression. _Nii-sama saw me standing there, and I was so shocked. I thought he would ignore me or tell me to leave, but he didn't. He told me to come sit with him. We didn't speak. I tried only to stare at that woman in the photo, because…there were many photographs there…people I didn't recognize._ "No," Rukia stated with a regretful expression. Beside her, Ichigo had a similar reaction, perhaps even deeper than hers. _He loved his own mother very much,_ Rukia thought, _and he can't imagine not knowing her, wondering how Byakuya must have borne it._

"Byakuya wasn't the heir of the Kuchiki clan," Yoruichi stated to the shocked Shinigami. "Even though the records state otherwise. Byakuya had an older twin brother."

"His name was…Kuchiki Akiya."


	7. Broken Soul

_Broken Soul_

Renji had never known his parents. It wasn't a statement; it was a fact. No one had parents in Rokungai, and children were forced to fend for themselves, or die as many of them did, alone and afraid. Renji was one those who survived, and in his short time in the human word on assignments and information from Ichigo, family was a big deal. _I had friends, and that was fine for me. Until I started to wonder what it was like to have a sibling when I now watch Taichou and Rukia meet with each other._ For some reason, Renji hadn't considered that Taichou had parents. It seemed…almost beyond him to rely on anyone, or to be small or afraid. _I had no idea that Taichou's mother died giving birth to him. That just…sucks._ Judging from Rukia's shocked face and the breathless way that she had spoken, the petite Shinigami had no idea either. _A shrine, huh?_ Everyone knew at least something about the Kuchiki Hisana, the woman from Rokungai who had married their captain but died five years after their marriage to an illness. _Almost like a dramatic play,_ Renji had once thought with a slight frown decades ago. Back then, he hadn't thought that Kuchiki-taichou was capable of any emotion. Now however, it pained him to hear that his Taichou had a shrine for his mother, who he didn't even know, as well. _And there's his brother as well…_

 _Wait._

"Byakuya had a brother?" Ichigo shouted, voicing Renji's confusion. "A _twin_? How come we've never heard of this?"

"The Kuchiki clan specifically forbid this information from leaking out," Yoruichi stated calmly as Ichigo and Renji continued to gap in shock. "Byakuya was forbidden to mention his twin after his death…his supposed death that is," she sighed. "To think their pride is more important to them than their clan leader," Yoruichi stated with disgust. "Ginrei-sama would certainly…"

"What's up with all these names?" Renji asked furiously. "Ginrei…Akiya…who _are_ they?" _And how Taichou's twin die?_ Renji thought inwardly. "And why is the Kuchiki clan not doing anything?" Seeing the sneering member of the Kuchiki clan in his mind again made Renji's mind spin from rage. _They have no right to talk about him like that!_ "What the hell happened that made the Kuchiki assholes so –?"

Yoruichi didn't respond at first. Her dark eyes only met Renji's once, as if weighing his emotional stability to go on. "Akiya and Byakuya…were always together," she stated with a faint look in her eyes, as if recalling a distant past. "As I mentioned before, Akiya was the older twin and was considered the heir to the Kuchiki clan. Byakuya was simply his younger twin who adored his older brother and never left his side." There was a pause. "But then it came to the Kuchiki clan's attention when the two were children that Akiya inherited their father's weak physique and was unable to lead the clan."

"What do you mean their father?" Ichigo asked. "I've never heard of him."

Yoruichi smiled sadly. "Of course you haven't. Byakuya is the strongest clan leader in generations, and the Kuchiki clan…those bastards…do not acknowledge Kuchiki Soujun as a member of their clan, considering him a failure."

"Failure?" Renji yelled. "How the hell could they call their own clan member a failure?" His brown eyes narrowed. "He's Byakuya's father, so he must be strong!"

"Kuchiki Soujun was often ill and couldn't preform most vice-captain duties," Yoruichi said. "Even so, Byakuya's grandfather, Kuchiki Ginrei, promoted him to a vice-captain positon because he knew his son felt guilty for not having enough strength to bear the pride of the sixth division or the Kuchiki clan."

"That's bullshit!" Ichigo yelled, raising his hands. "Ukitake-san was able to become a taichou, and had his own bankai! He was ill all the time! How on earth –?"

"Think, Ichigo." Yoruichi said. "It is rare for a Shinigami even from a noble family to obtain bankai. Soujun…was one who could not obtain bankai, and was weak in body. Still, even so, he worked hard in order to make his father proud."

"He sounds like a nice guy," Renji murmured, half-wishing that his taichou could be more like his father. "What is he like?"

Yoruichi blinked. "Soujun was a very kind person, much like Ukitake. No one could say anything negative about him, except that he pushed himself too hard." A half smile framed Yoruichi's face. "I still remember the times when I was a child and Soujun would allow me to see his shikai, and of how patient he was with me when I would bring Kisuke along to torment him. He loved both his wife and sons very much. From what I have heard of her, I think he and Hisana would have gotten along."

"You're saying that in past tense," Renji said with growing dread. "Do you mean…?"

Yoruichi nodded. "When Akiya and Byakuya were still very young, Soujun was killed by a Hollow in the human world." Renji gulped. "Immediately after, Byakuya was trained every day in order to become the leader of his clan by his grandfather. Akiya…stayed inside the manor, unable to do anything but watch. Perhaps that was the reason he did that," Yoruichi stated almost to herself, a saddened look in her eyes. The trio looked at her in confusion. "After Kuchiki Ginrei's death, Byakuya was appointed as the successor to lead the clan. No one knows why Akiya reacted like this," Yoruichi whispered, tight with regret, "but Akiya…reacted violently and the elders ordered Byakuya to kill his twin."

"Just like that…?" Renji whispered, his voice become thick with growing rage. _That's bullshit! How is that even comprehensible?_ "Just like that, they - ?!"

"They did," Yoruichi stated solemnly to a stunned Ichigo and Rukia as the red-haired Shinigami began to boil in fury. "And when…it was over, the elders forbid Byakuya mention his older twin. As if he never existed."

"Yoruichi-san," Rukia asked with a faint tremble in her voice, "when did…Nii-sama's grandfather and brother die?"

"Fifty years ago," Yoruichi stated without pause as Rukia gasped. "The same year that he lost his wife."

"Nii-sama…" Rukia whispered, grief in her voice as the dark-haired Shinigami thought of her beloved older brother. "No wonder…no wonder he was so distant to me," she whispered with a look of mourning at Ichigo. "Not only did I remind him of my sister, but he also lost his twin brother...that he was forced to forget."

"So Byakuya's brother was the Hollow that kidnapped him?" Ichigo demanded. "I still don't get why he waited this long to kidnap Byakuya!" He was met with stupefied stares. "I mean, he was in a coma for six months!"

"You're looking at the answer right now, Ichigo," Yoruichi stated with a glance at the red-head who was unable to keep his emotions in check.

"I'll kill them," Renji hissed. Yoruichi didn't seem surprised by his reaction. "I'll kill them for what they did to him! How could he be forced to forget his own brother? Hell, that guy was his twin!" Renji sighed through his teeth and his eyes narrowed. "If I know anything about Taichou, it's that he carries insane amount of guilt. That's what it looked like when…" Renji cleared his throat as images came into his head as Yoruichi grinned. "He just seems that kind of person," the red-haired Shinigami tried to say as Ichigo rolled his eyes and Rukia gave him a knowing smile. "Anyway, now that we have the goddamn story behind this, can't we just rescue Taichou now?"

"Byakuya is currently held in Aizen's fortress is in Hueco Mundo," Yoruichi stated carefully with a glance at Renji before she grinned. "But there are some others who wish to help as well."

"Wha –?" Ichigo and Renji said at the same time before an immense reiatsu clouded their thoughts.

"It looks like Kuchiki-hime needs rescuing," Zaraki-taichou said with a wide grin. "Don't worry, Renji. I'll leave the rescuing to you." Renji stared incredulously at his former captain. "Every prince needs a beautiful princess."

Yoruichi howled with laughter as Renji spluttered with trying to come up with a response. _Why the hell does he call Taichou princess? It…well…would piss him off if he heard what was just said!_

"Why is Taichou the girl?" Renji demanded as Ichigo sweat-dropped. "We both have long hair!"

"He's shorter than you," Zaraki-taichou said with another wide grin. "And don't you think he would look nice in a nice petal-themed wedding kimono?"

"Uhh…" Renji _could_ easily imagine it, which was the problem. He could see his captain's long dark hair – that he would _not_ attempt to touch – long and flowing along his shoulders with sakura-petal themed kimono with a blissful smile on his face as he held Renji's hand in his own. _I always wondered what he looked like smiling, and I really think it would be really beautiful. His bankai is beautiful, looking like the cherry blossoms I bet he likes so much, and with me by his side…_ Renji's thoughts stopped at the first comment Zaraki-taichou made."He's shorter than me?"

"Yeah," the taller Shinigami stated with amusement as Renji looked flabbergasted. "You didn't know that?"

"Of course not!" Renji said hotly. "Taichou just seemed so…himself that I didn't notice!"

"Enough." A familiar cool voice echoed in the room. Ichigo's and Renji's jaws dropped.

"Soutaichou said that it would be prudent if I had my division in the care of Matsumoto to relieve her drinking issues," stated Hitsugaya-taichou in a monotone voice. "Now, are we ready to go?" he demanded.

Renji nodded, determination steeling in his soul. _Taichou…I haven't had the chance to respond to the words we said, and I promise that I'll rescue you from your crazy brother!_

* * *

 _How can it be?_ Byakuya thought as he stared at the figure in front of him. The figure had…his face, and the voice was so similar. "You're…" he continued to gasp.

The figure resembling his brother smiled lightly. "Did the elders force you to not even remember me, otouto?"

 _Little brother…_ The word itself made Byakuya's mind freeze. Broken memories resurfaced, specifically one of two young souls training in the rain, the older calling for him playfully. The two walking side by side as Byakuya held his arm to steady him as a serene smile framed his face.

"Nii…sama…" Byakuya whispered, his lungs collapsing from the very name he had called him. "Nii-sama…." How many times had Rukia called to him, and he did not respond, not out of distance or the coldness of his heart, but from the mere memory? "Aki…ya…"

"Good." The smile on his twin's face faded. Byakuya noted of how his older twin appeared to glance at his surroundings before glancing at the Shinigami in white. "You remembered…Byakuya."

The sound of his name caused Byakuya to almost shudder. The face identical to his own appeared to be calm, but Byakuya knew that he was anything but that emotion. _I was by his side for one hundred fifty years, and even though…he is a Hollow, I still know what he is thinking._

"How?" Byakuya asked with an attempt to calm himself. It failed. He could feel his distressed reiatsu. "How could you have…?"

"Survived?" His twin finished. Byakuya didn't speak as the Hollow moved towards his face. "It is simple, otouto." Byakuya was still as he felt the hard claws of the Hollow grasp his face. "Aizen. He knew of how I felt. Of how betrayed," at this word, the claws bored into the soft flesh, Byakuya unable to move. "I was to the leadership of the Kuchiki clan."

Blood streamed onto the floor as Akiya's claws withdrew, the tips of his claws stained with blood. Byakuya continued to stand as his blood continued to trail down his cheeks. "Nii-sama…" he began, struggling to find his voice as his dark gray eyes continued to stare at the figure before him. _How…?_ "I did not want to kill you that day. I –"

"My foolish little brother," the Hollow said with his brother's voice. "Did you really think that you're last technique of Senbonzakura would kill me? When in your heart," he stated as he stepped closer, "was broken? When your soul was dying?"

Byakuya's breathing hitched, unable to forget of the aftermath of the battle. Akiya, his zanpakutou shattered as blood continued to pool underneath him, staining the ground, the pieces of the kenseiken shattered and across the the blood-soaked soil. The kimono he wore, slashed in so many places, ribbons of blood ceaselessly flowing as splatters of blood also dotted his hair. Byakuya, unaware of his own wounds, one deep on his side and a gaping hole in his chest. _Ichimaru's zanpakutou stabbed me there as well,_ Byakuya thought blankly as his hand reached to touch his chest. _So much blood…_ He remembered feeling numb, staring at the figure that had been his brother as the Senkei faded from sight. His vision had blurred, Senbonzakura falling from his grasp and his zanpukutou's voice echoing in his mind. _Nii-sama…_

 _Nii-sama…was the first to see Senbonzakura's true form. The first…_ Byakuya remembered facing Kurosaki Ichigo, sweat leaking from his forehead with his eyes wide with shock and terror as Byakuya spoke to him. _"You are the second one to see it." I…planned to kill him with Senbonzakura's true form._

 _But…_ He remembered Renji, his blood coating his body and his zanpakutou shattered. The heirloom to the Kuchiki clan covering his bloodstained body. _I never told you, Renji…_ He knew what his vice-captain would do in the event of Rukia's execution, and was not surprised by his declaration that he would kill him to save his childhood friend. _That time…_ Renji screaming as he stood, stating that he vowed on his soul that he would save Rukia. _"This is the difference between the power of you and I…" That…_ He could see Akiya staring at him, a knowing smile on his face. It felt strange to see a reflection of himself smiling, especially one such as this. Of mockery.

"Byakuya, you know what I have come here to do."

His form changed, the hole across his heart across his chest as the form of the Hollow faded. Byakuya's eyes widened at the sight of his twin appearing as he had when he was alive, the kenseiken tied within the last bangs of his hair and wearing a Shinigami shihakushou. _That hilt…!_ Byakuya thought as his brother moved forward, a sickening smile framing his face the pale hilt of his zanpakutou became visible. Senbonzakura was thrown in the air, and Byakuya felt his hands catch the zanpakutou.

 _Master…_ whispered the zanpakutou spirit. Byakuya wasn't able to pay heed to his zanpakutou's unusual voice in his thoughts as Akiya slid his own blade from inside.

"Twin blades," the twin whispered at Byakuya's shocked expression. "You thought you lost everything, didn't you, otouto? That day…you thought I died. But, on that day, Aizen made me something more than an Arrancar. Something…that will allow me to complete what I wanted for so long. But," he added with a glance at Byakuya's paling face, "you cannot move, can you? Ever since you woke up, otouto, you have been tormented by memories of the terrible action you committed that day." He moved forward, reaching his younger twin's face. "You couldn't control your emotions that you kept hidden inside for so long. Especially…concerning your beloved vice-captain."

"Renji!" At the whisper of his name, Byakuya found his body taunt and his heart racing, images of the night he had shared with the red-haired Shinigami burning in his mind. "How do you…?"

"I've watched you all this time, Byakuya," Akiya stated, unsheathing his zanpakutou. He smiled, the smile burning in Byakuya's mind that this was his face which was smiling. "I…have seen you since after my supposed death. Enough to know…" Byakuya attempted to sheath Senbonzakura, but found Akiya to be too quick. Agony poured through his limbs as he felt the zanpakutou pierce his flesh, blood pouring from the wound. Akiya leaned his lips to his twin's ear.

"Enough to know that your emotions are too raw to ever hurt me again."

 _Nii-sama…_

"Resonate... _Hanami Houka_."

* * *

 _Hinami Houka_ \- Light Petal Flower Viewing

 _Hinami_ \- flower viewing of the cherry blossoms in Japanese culture, direct implications of connection to Senbonzakura.

 _Houka_ \- light petal or petal of light; association to be revealed in later chapters.


	8. Akiya's Lament

_Akiya's Lament  
_

 _"Byakuya?" The child would not move from hiding. "Byakuya?" Even at his father's urging, the child could not move. He was wearing a light blue kimono and his dark hair in a small ponytail, barely noticeable, and trying not to cry. He was holding his knees and hiding behind the wood that held the room where his father was visiting his mother. At the thought, Byakuya attempted to hide his tears but was unable to._

 _Why? Byakuya thought, his toddler mind not understanding of the mean words the servants had said. Why did they say those things? Is it really my fault that Kaasama died?_

 _"It's okay, Byakuya." Immediately Byakuya could feel his father's warm arms around him, holding his head against his shoulder as his younger son attempted to hide his tears. They flowed thickly, falling from his eyes and soaking his father's clothes._

 _"Is it…really my fault that Kaasama died, Tousama?" Byakuya's voice was small, barely audible as he moved his crying face to the concerned face to his father's._

 _Kuchiki Soujun looked sadly at Byakuya for a moment before his face became gentle._

 _"No, Byakuya." His father held him in his arms as he walked closer to the shrine. "It was not your fault. Nor was it your nii-sama's, Akiya's." A brief frown framed his face. "Who told you this, Byakuya?"_

 _"Some servants," three year old Byakuya whispered as his father's face turned serious. "Kasumi-san…Noriko-san…and Haruka-san." He remembered of searching across the rooms to look for Nii-sama, but stopped when he heard some of the female servants whisper Kaa-sama's name. Byakuya was often curious, so the little boy inched closer to the servants as he heard his name. It was…odd. He didn't like the way his name was said, like something bad. And when they saw that he had listened, they didn't go away._

 _"If_ you _hadn't been born, then Sakura-sama would still be with us!"_

 _Why? The child had thought as he sobbed when he ran away, his tears blinding him as the words echoed in his head. Why…? Nii-sama, where are you? Instead, the distraught child saw his father with his mother, the kenseiken in his hair not seen as he was bowing his head to the picture of Byakuya's and Akiya's mother._

 _As Byakuya continued to cry as he sobbed the story to his father, he felt the soothing strokes of his father's hands along his back, calming him._

 _"It is not your fault, Byakuya. Your mother loved you very much." Byakuya looked at his father's eyes. "She loved you so very much…and your nii-sama too. Without even giving you your name, your mother loved you, Byakuya, and she would never blame you for her death." Kuchiki Soujun stroked his younger son's cheek fondly. "And I do not blame you, Byakuya. You and your nii-sama…are my heart."_

 _Byakuya remembered his father gently wiping away his tears and taking his small hand in his to where his mother was. The shrine was small, with only a picture of Kaasama. She was beautiful. Long dark hair was framed her face, tied back with the scarf Jiisama always wore. She was wearing a kimono with sakura petals, a serene smile on her face._

 _"Your mother will always protect you, Byakuya," his father said as he continued to stare at the photo before smiling gently at his son. "And she will protect your nii-sama as well."_

 _Byakuya looked at the photo of Kaasama, his lip trembling despite wanting not to cry. "She loves you, Byakuya," the vice-captain of the sixth division said as he embraced his crying son. "She will always love you."_

* * *

 _"I'm sorry, Nii-sama."_

 _A six year old Akiya stared with confusion at his younger twin, who was attempting to hide his face as tears pelted down his cheeks. The young boy sat across from his brother, his wide dark gray eyes trying to look at Byakuya's agonized expression. "Because of me…I was chosen as the heir…even though you –"_

 _"Stop, otouto." Byakuya looked up and he could see a sad look on Nii-sama's face. "I don't care about being the heir to the clan." Tears continued to pour down the child's cheeks as his calmer twin spoke to him. "Tousama has died, and you…must be the one to lead the clan now."_

 _"But Jiisama is still alive, Nii-sama!" Byakuya protested, feeling his broken heart shatter more at the memories of their father's funeral. The heat of the flames and the burning of the pyre echoed in his mind as the young child stood motionless as the members of the Gotei 13 and his clan were there. The thought of Jiisama, who seemed so invincible and amazing and kind, dying, was enough to cause another set of tears to leak from Byakuya's eyes. "Jiisama…can't die. He just can't."_

 _"But otouto," his twin eased as the child continued to weep, "a Shinigami must accept death. We're still children," he continued quietly, "but as the head of the Kuchiki clan, your childhood has ended."_

 _Byakuya wouldn't respond for a moment. He took a deep breath and dried his eyes, blinking his large dark gray eyes to look at Nii-sama. "I know. But…I don't want to be separated from you, Nii-sama. Jiisama…said that now I have to train every day, in order to become strong...but I don't want to do it without you!" His beloved older twin didn't make a sound as Byakuya's voice started to tremble. "I know you're sick all the time, Nii-sama…like Tousama…but do you think you can stay be my side?" Byakuya looked up hopefully._

 _"Otouto, you know I cannot."_

 _Byakuya's eyes widened, and then lowered in disappointment. He looked at his hands without staring into his twin's eyes._

 _"I wish you would become the head of our clan," Byakuya murmured quietly. His voice slightly shook. "Nii-sama…is so calm and wise…not like me." Byakuya bowed his head. "Naganori says I'm a crybaby and unsuited to be the clan head."_

 _"You will become a good leader someday, otouto," Nii-sama said before he held his brother's hand in his own. "I know you will…because we share the same blood…of Tousama and Jiisama…and all of our ancestors that made the Kuchiki clan proud."_

 _"Nii-sama…" Byakuya spoke in wonder. He stared at the smile Nii-sama had, calm and peaceful. His dark hair framed his face with a small ponytail the same as Byakuya had. He reminded Byakuya so much of Tousama…with his kindness and always holding him when he cried…his patience. The younger twin had a flash of memory of his father then, as the two of them walked through the beautiful cherry blossoms. "Your Kaasama loved cherry blossoms, Byakuya." The small child waited as his father spoke to him without a glance, staring at the cherry blossoms falling on the ground. "That was why…I planted so many cherry blossom trees to show my love to her." Kuchiki Soujun turned, and a faint smile echoed across his face as he stared gently as his younger son. "It is a good thing that you love cherry blossoms as much as your Kaasama did, Byakuya. Because…she will always be with you whenever you see them." I don't know where you are, Tousama…. I want to see you again. Why…_

 _Why… Byakuya thought as he buried his head into Nii-sama's shoulder and started to sob, Why did you have to leave?_

* * *

 _"Nii-sama?" Byakuya whispered. His twin was not looking at him or at the scenery of the gardens which Byakuya knew he adored. Byakuya was wearing the white and blue uniform of the Shinigami Academy, his once clean hands now with numerous scratches. Nii-sama was wearing a dark blue kimono with the kenseiken in bangs of his hair on the right and left sides. Normally, with Byakuya holding onto Nii-sama, they would begin to talk about their individual days, with Byakuya's training and classes in the Shinigami Academy, or Nii-sama's recent illness and how he was cooperating. But Nii-sama was not even looking at his younger twin. His gaze appeared to be somewhere else, the usual calm silver appearing dark. "Nii-sama, what's wrong?" Byakuya demanded and held onto his brother's arm tightly._

 _"Whatever do you mean, otouto?"_

 _"You know what I mean," Byakuya snapped as irritation started to rise in his mind. "This! How you're not looking at me, or talking to me?" Confusion as well as anger swelled as Nii-sama started to laugh quietly._

 _"How a crybaby turned into a hothead who would challenge Kyoraku-taichou to a battle is beyond me," Nii-sama stated with a softening smile as his younger twin began to bristle. "I can never understand you sometimes, otouto."_

 _Byakuya huffed and crossed his arms. "It's not my fault no one can take me seriously." His frown deepened. "And that werecat always wants me to play with her. As if I have time for games!"_

 _"You should call Shihouhin-taichou by her given title, otouto," Nii-sama stated with faint amusement as Byakuya stared at his incredulously. "She is generously teaching you flash step, after all."_

 _"Someday I'll beat that damn werecat at her game of tag," teenage Byakuya muttered under his breath as Akiya laughed silently. Then suddenly, his laughter disappeared and a solemn expression came on his face._

 _"I want to fight too."_

 _Byakuya's face turned toward him, a stunned expression on his face as Nii-sama refused to meet his eyes and slowly explained. "I just…want to learn, otouto. I know the reason why Jiisama refused to let me enter the Shinigami Academy." Nii-sama's eyes lowered. "Tousama eventually died because of his decision…but I don't want to be helpless anymore. I want –"_

 _"Nii-sama, of course I will train you." Byakuya turned toward his older twin and could see the pleasant shock and happiness on his face. "Even if it's against the damn rules, I will."_

 _"I have only one request for you, otouto." Nii-sama appeared self-conscious, raising an eyebrow from Byakuya, who nodded for him to continue. "I want to call you by my name, not Nii-sama. I usually say your name when we're alone like this, or when we're in the presence of Jiisama, but –"_

 _Byakuya reached out his hand and held his brother's hand, his older brother's fingers smooth against his hand which had spent seven years mastering the art of holding a sword._

 _"Okay…Akiya."_

 _The smile of pure happiness on Akiya's face was enough to melt the world away._

* * *

 _"Nii-sama! Nii-sama!" Byakuya's voice echoed throughout the manor as the Kuchiki heir checked the rooms, searching for his older twin. "Nii-sama!"_

 _"What is it, Byakuya?" The teen halted and cursed inwardly as the room he had opened revealed to show a bedridden Akiya with a cool towel over his forehead. "You have disturbed my rest," he added somewhat irritably._

 _The irritation in Akiya's voice did not deter Byakuya from opening his mouth and shouting,_

 _"I just met my zanpakutou spirit, Nii-sama!"_

 _Akiya immediately sat up. "You did?" His dark grey eyes appeared solemn, although Byakuya was too happy to notice the small detail. "Do know have a shikai then?"_

 _"Hai," Byakuya continued to state breathlessly, his long hair somewhat askew as sweat started to slow from the effort he had committed to. "I have, and I can't wait to see the shocked look of the werecat when she sees this!" A sly grin appeared on his face. "Soon I'll be able to beat her at tog!"_

 _"Didn't she steal your hair tie earlier today though, Byakuya?" Akiya asked quietly as his younger twin blushed indignantly._

 _"Anyway," Byakuya stated with a serious glance at his ill twin, "I have an elemental-type zanpakutou. It comes in the form of cherry blossoms," Byakuya added more quietly with a contemplative look on his face. "He's a samurai spirt…and name is Senbonzakura."_

 _"Sen…bon…" Akiya whispered, an emotion the mixture of awe and longing in his voice as the image the noblewoman who had died giving birth to them. "…Zakura…" He took a deep breath. "The same name as…Kaasama?"_

 _Byakuya nodded. "Tousama always said that Kaasama would always protect me when I saw the cherry blossoms." A small smile appeared on his face. "It seems that Kaasama…will be wherever I am now. The beautiful petals that I saw…will be her protecting me."_

 _Akiya was quiet, quieter than usual. Byakuya looked at his twin in concern, and found that Akiya was lying down again and his face facing away from him. The room appeared to still._

 _"Nii-sama?" Byakuya asked. "I thought you would –"_

 _"I am very tired, otouto." Byakuya swallowed, attempting to erase the unknown feeling in his stomach as Akiya dismissed him. Since a year had passed, Byakuya and Akiya had called each other by their names whenever they could. It felt…right to call Nii-sama Akiya, and his older brother always smiled when he heard his name pass from his brother's lips. "I request your leave."_

 _"Hai." Byakuya stated carefully. "Nii-sama..." he added as he walked away from his older twin lying with a washcloth on his forehead._

 _Akiya was silent._

* * *

"You should have known something was wrong that day, otouto."

Byakuya opened his eyes to find his older twin standing before him. His cold dark gray eyes pierced through him, enough to seep through his bleeding wounds. Byakuya felt the fabric of the yukata heavy with blood, and could see the new wounds across his body as the red liquid continued to leak.

 _A zanpkautou that forces the wounded to relive memories. The memories that tear at the heart, and the wounds increase with every memory that the recipient receives._

"Are you trying to kill me with a broken heart, Akiya?" Byakuya murmured as his older twin surveyed him carefully. "You should know that would not kill me."

"I know, otouto." Akiya's voice was measured and calm. "I was there when you were informed of Shihouhin Yoruichi's exile, and saw of how you attempted to shield the pain by capturing it inside. You never spoke of Shihouhin Yoruichi since that day, and changed from her supposed death. No longer were you quick to anger or easily overcome by emotion. You attempted to hide what you truly felt." Akiya's cold eyes bored into Byakuya's own as the Shinigami remembered of how betrayed and lost he had inwardly felt after Shihouhin Yoruichi had been exiled. It was a childish thought that was stubborn enough to remain. _Why did she leave me?_ Byakuya had forced to be emotionless when he saw his former teacher during Rukia's impending execution. _"I considered you dead."_ That was the truth. It was easier to accept the former taichou of the second division had died…like most of the people he had lost. Even Jiisama had completed his duty as a Shinigami. But seeing Shihouhin Yoruichi alive and aiding the enemy, that almost made Byakuya snap the centuries of the emotionless mask he had kept, but he could not. Otherwise, he was not certain if he could contain the tableland emotions that were caged within him – the grief of Hisana's death half a century past still lingering and her dying words to protect her sister who was to be executed. Byakuya kneeling down by his parents' graves and vowing that he would never break the rules again.

 _How can I kill another sibling?_ The thought made his entire being cold, and Byakuya had felt the emotions that he had kept inside – that he was forced to keep inside – rise as a memory of a body with blood pouring out from the wounds and dark gray eyes sightlessly opened echoed in his mind despite what was ordered to him. Byakuya had not directly spoken to his former teacher, not since their "failed" game of tag, and he did not want to.

"You loved Shihouhin Yoruichi, and you were devastated when she was exiled." Byakuya forced himself to not look at his twin's face. "Everyone left you in the end…otouto. I…was the death that almost shattered your entire being," he stated quietly. "But you continued to live, much as what Aizen predicted."

"I do not understand, Akiya." Byakuya whispered. "You were happy to be by my side and proud to be my twin. I do not understand what would cause such a rebellion from you."

"Rebellion?" Now Akiya grinned, and Byakuya forced himself to calm at the feel of the darkness of his aura. "Is that what the elders said? What they told you?" Byakuya didn't respond. Suddenly, Akiya snarled and grabbed his hands around Byakuya's throat before he could respond. "You never understood, did you, Byakuya?" His name came out as a hiss. "I told when we fought. The reason why I did this." His hands released on Byakuya's throat, and the noble began to gasp for breath as a malicious grin framed his face. "My dear otouto…" he murmured with fake affection, "you do not apparently understand what occurred fifty years ago." He leaned his lips to Byakuya's ear. "You still do not understand. I…have _always_ hated you."

"I…refuse to believe that, Akiya." Byakuya rasped as his brother's touch lingered in his mind and his mind recalling the day of finding his twin brother holding the heads of the decapitated elders in his blood-soaked hands. "When we were very young, I remember you reaching out to me…holding me as we slept. Even at two years old, I understood the love we recuperated to each other."

Byakuya found nothing but emptiness in his brother's gaze.

"That was a lie." Byakuya held his brother's gaze steadily. "I only pretended to be close to you to hurt you in the end, Byakuya. I wanted…to erase your existence ever since I remember."

 _But…_ The images of when Akiya asked for Byakuya to train him appeared in his mind, the blissful smile haunting him. The gentleness as he held his younger twin as the child cried, and soft and happy laugher that came from him during Byakuya's wedding to Hisana. Of the grief in his eyes when Byakuya told him that their grandfather had died during a mission in Hueco Mundo. _Everything…_ The very first memory of finding his brother across from him as the infant slept, the wide dark gray eyes never leaving him.

 _Always…together…_ Images of Byakuya and his twin walking beside each other, a gentle smile across Akiya's lips as he stood be his twin's side. The smiling eyes that always seemed to know what Byakuya was thinking. _Always…_ Byakuya's feet collapsed from underneath him as cold sweat poured from his face, his breathing becoming erratic as images flashed through his mind. _No…no…_

"I see you finally understand," Akiya whispered as the Shinigami was beginning to have a nervous breakdown. "I have never loved you…otouto. I only saw you as a reason to surpass…a nameless entity to defeat." He crouched down to Byakuya's shaking form and pulled his face towards him. "Similar to your fukutaichou…Renji."

Byakuya's eyes widened at the mention of his vice-captain, and the words echoed in his mind as the memory of Renji's gentle touch surfaced in this living nightmare.

 _"Ore wa…anata o aishiteru."_

"Renji would never betray me," Byakuya stated with certainty as his brother looked at him knowingly. "Renji…has served me faithfully…even though I do not know why someone such as me deserves such devotion." He closed his eyes and swallowed thickly. "He is not a Shinigami who bears hatred in his heart…not anymore."

"He could be trying to get close to you, otouto." Akiya whispered with malice as Byakuya shook his head.

"No. I know where Renji's heart belong now." Byakuya remembered finding Renji asleep at his desk, drool dripping from his mouth and on the sides of the papers. The taichou of the sixth division inwardly smiled, forbidden feelings coursing through his veins as he stared at his sleeping fukutaichou. _I wanted to touch him that day. But…_ Renji still hated him, of that he knew. And so Byakuya woke Renji through his stern voice that he often used with him despite the warm feeling inside of him when he saw Renji's warm brown eyes opening. _Renji wa…_

"And yet, you were unable to protect him with your own bankai." Byakuya's heart stilled. "You were unable to protect him from the very weapon that you believed was your mother's way of protecting you." Byakuya's heart thudded in his chest at the memory of As Nodt using Senbonzakura, feeling the ribbons of his flesh bleeding, Renji screaming for the enemy to stop, and the feeling of failure as he watched Renji fly through the air, away from him as Senbonzakura shattered. "I saw of how you attempted to protect your vice-captain by telling him that he should watch the enemy's movements, when moments beforehand, you told him to destroy your bankai." Akiya chuckled at the agonized expression his younger twin had on his face, the nightmare occurring in his head. "You had the confidence that he could defeat Senbonzakura, that his fangs could reach you…and yet, you almost _died_ protecting him."

"Why?"

 _I…_ Byakuya thought as the memory of Renji echoed in his mind. _I…had never considered him weak. I knew he was not. And yet…_ Byakuya held his breath as the memory of Renji's broken body, so similar to fifty years ago, burned within him. _I told him lies. I told him that he was the monkey trying to reach for the moon…when in fact, I had always considered him strong, even before he achieved bankai. I did not want to fight him,_ Byakuya thought with a hard swallow. _I didn't want to fight him and I didn't want to kill him. I did not want his blood on my hands. And yet…I had to._ Byakuya could see his brother raise his hand, the cold windows of emptiness in his eyes. _I was not able to kill him, and I was within the rights to do so. Renji…broke so many rules, and yet I was unable to kill him…even though I stated to Kurosaki Ichigo that emotions are needless. I was willing to execute Rukia with my own hands…and yet unable to kill my passionate, fierce, and beautiful vice-captain._

 _I…could not allow his blood to be spilled from my bankai again. I believed, and I still do, that my wounds…my death…was a better fate than to see that bankai kill someone I loved._

 _Love?_ Byakuya felt Senbonzakura's voice in his ears as his arm raised. He could see Akiya motionlessly watching the zanpakutou in his twin's hand. _Is that what I feel…for Renji?_

 _I told him that I loved him. And he told me that he loved me. …I do not understand._

 _Wakarainai._

"When my zanpakutou pierces you, it allows me to take control of your movements." Akiya stated as Senbonzakura's cries for his master echoed in Byakuya's mind. "As such, I…can control your mind."

 _If Renji hates me for what I have done, why did he say that he loved me? I…have my own feelings for him, but Renji…_

 _Master!_ Senbonzakura screamed.

" _Chire_ …Senbonzakura."

 _Senbonzakura…_ Byakuya thought as the countless of blades tore at his body, immeasurable agony exploding through his body, white-hot pain the only reality he could find. Senbonzakura was screaming, his very mind tearing apart as his blades caused a river of red to flow from his master's body. _Gomen…nasai…_

Soon he wasn't aware of anything. He forgot his name, where he was, and who was screaming. Agony pulsed through his entire being. Blood poured from his gruesome wounds.

Only pain.

He heard laughter in his ears.

Then, darkness.


	9. You Are My Heart

There will be a flashback next time to explain of what happened before this scene! Thank you very much for your patience and I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

 _You Are My Heart_ _  
_

 _Byakuya…_ Renji thought as he continued to run. He had no idea why he was running, only feeling the cold icy hold of fear as his breaths continued to come in rasping gasps. _Byakuya…_ His thoughts were only focused on the blurring scenes, mindless of the fact that his comrades were shouting for him to _Stop! Please, Renji! Stop!_

They were there.

The memories haunting in his mind.

Kuchiki-taichou…Byakuya…standing in the rain, blood on his zanpakutou as the silver tears ran down his face. _So young and so afraid…_ Renji had watched in horror as Byakuya's memories drowned him. _I…never thought that…I would ever taste the actual emotion of grief._ The young Shinigami with his vice-captain badge proudly on his shoulder, the kanji for six and the camellia – _"Surely you know the symbol of our division, Renji."_ – almost shining in the cold world of Hueco Mudno beside his grandfather. The horror had only occurred moments later, the bloodshed in its wake enough to make Renji feel sick. It was literally a world of blood as Hollows suddenly ambushed the sixth division. The red-haired Shinigami watched motionlessly as horrific screams haunted his ears, the members of the sixth division's blood soaking the ground as their lives were crushed from their eyes. _Byakuya…_ He could see the younger version of his taichou killing numerous Hollows, his dark gray eyes observing the carnage as the officers screamed. Only Renji, knowing Byakuya so well from being his vice-captain, knew of how close the present vice-captain was breaking. His body was tense, his eyes slightly dilated, and his hands…slightly shaking.

The Hollows advanced as the then-vice captain of the sixth division attacked, the Hollows screaming as they met their end from the lethal blade of Senbonzakura. It was too late though. All of the officers were dead, their reiatsu disappeared. Renji watched with bated breath as a film came over his captain's eyes, and then hardened as he turned.

"Jiisama!" Byakuya's grandfather was fighting a monstrous Hollow, a trickle of blood streaming on his temple. The aged Shinigami's eyes met his grandson's for a moment, noting of the bloodstained sand behind him and of the officers who had lost their lives – and souls, Renji thought, remembering the horror as he witnessed Shinigami having their souls eaten as the dark liquid coming from their wounds trickled onto the sand. The red-haired Shinigami had told himself that it was only a memory, that it was only a memory and that everything was alright now, and it would have worked if he had not seen the brief horror and despair on Byakuya's face as the officer screamed and screamed until his entire existence faded away. _His father…_ Renji thought with cold fear as he witnessed the vice-captain kill as many Hollows with a viciousness he had only seen after As Nodt, _met the same end. No body…_ Renji thought as he remembered of what Yoruichi had said that night when he woken from a nightmare. _Only a broken zanpakutou. "I had never seen him cry since that night, Renji. Even with his brother, Byakuya was lost. A lost and broken little boy."_ Renji watched as Byakuya's grandfather's blood dripped onto the ground, a wound on his side as the aged Shinigami was losing a lost battle against a Hollow that was too strong.

"Jiisama!" Renji could only breathe as he witnessed Byakuya running, the sand causing a haze of sand particles to fly through the air. Two Hollows, that he had yet to defeat, were running as well, the younger Shinigami too intent on saving his captain to notice the dense malice surrounding them. Byakuya held his zanpakutou in the air, his breathing almost nonsexist as his grandfather fell on his knees.

"Jiisama!"

Byakuya's grandfather knew what his grandson meant to do. His eyes widened, and he attempted to stand, his scream haunting Renji's ears.

"Don't do it, Byakuya! There will too much strain on your body! Don't do it!"

At that moment, the Hollow's claw embedded itself in Kuchiki Ginrei's stomach, and a dark pool of horror came to Renji's stomach as he heard the scream that haunted his nightmares.

"AHHH!" _Where…_ Renji thought as he heard Byakuya screaming as his heart thudded in his chest. _Where have I…heard it before? Where...?_ Suddenly his eyes widened impossibly wide as he remembered the battle that had almost cost Byakuya his life. _Almost…exactly the same…_ he thought, the shout coming from his taichou from that day before his own zanpakutou had been used against him. _But why…was he screaming then?_ It was impossible to forget the day when his taichou's blood had been all that he could see. The blades of Senbonzakura Kageyoshi piercing his entire body, seeing only a sea of pink and red. _I remember pleading…for it to stop. To stop…_ The blades that Renji knew that Byakuya had worked so hard for shielding him for his own attack. _I just wanted it to stop! I couldn't breathe! I couldn't do anything!_ His beloved…his captain…falling and getting cut because he had defended Renji. The blood rolling down his face. _I just…wanted…_ Renji had thought after he had woken with bandages around his entire body, the last time he had seen Kuchiki Byakuya flashing in his mind. _To protect you…_ Renji had told no one of how he had cried after he was informed that his captain had survived. _I don't know what would happen to me…if he hadn't lived._ Now Renji witnessed as Byakuya unleased his bankai, the despair and rage and _pain_ evident as he shouted the name of his bankai to save a person precious to him.

Renji could only remember vaguely as the Hollows were killed. Now his eyes stared at the limp forms of grandfather and grandson, captain and vice-captain, and mentor and student as Byakuya crouched beside his dying grandfather.

"Jiisama…I am sorry."

Kuchiki Ginrei looked up at his grandson, blood trickling down his throat as he stared at the broken form of the young Shinigami. There was an audible shatter of the zanpakutou beside them.

 _No…_ Renji thought desperately. _No…this can't be real. This_ can't _be real._ It was real. The captain of the sixth division stared at his vice-captain, staring into his grandson's dark gray eyes.

"Do you remember what I told you, Byakuya?"

"Yes."

Somehow, Renji didn't know _how_ it could be possible, but it started to rain. The rain started softly, barely a sprinkle until it began to soak the sand. Byakuya's hair became wet, his dark strands plastered against his forehead, and the Shinigami wear heavy against his body.

"You were only a child at the time." Byakuya's breath hitched slightly, and despite himself, Renji felt rage boil inside him as he remembered the memory of a tiny Byakuya, newly grieving from the death of his father, his face wet with tears as his grandfather told him that it was his duty to discard his emotions as he was to be the head of the Kuchiki clan. _He said that to Ichigo when they fought…that he had never had emotions and that family members do not matter in the rule of the law._ Hearing the words again from Byakuya's own lips made Renji realize of how utterly _wrong_ he was about his captain. It seemed to him that Byakuya meant the opposite of what he said…all that he said. Seeing the Shinigami struggling to hold onto to his sanity made Renji realize of how broken and alone his captain had been. _I thought that when he told me to lower my blade when we fought…he was mocking me for thinking I could defeat him._ He watched as pain clouded in Byakuya's eyes, his hands clutching his sides in agony as the extent of using his bankai became known. _When he told me about using my bankai…telling me that it took ten years to fully control it…I had no idea what he was talking about, did I?_ Blood slowly trickled from Byakuya's mouth, his face pale as he faced his grandfather.

 _Byakuya…_

"I have never told you of how proud I am of you, Kuchiki Byakuya." The aged Shinigami sighed, staring at the vice-captain. "I have silenced my words and have observed as you have overcome your struggles. You know of what I speak, Byakuya, and I am now telling you what has always been in my heart." Kuchiki Ginrei closed his eyes, opening them again to find his grandson's face pale and still as stone. "You are my pride…and you are my heart."

"Your…" Byakuya's eyes widened, and his voice rasped before he could control it. "Your…heart…?"

"When one's heart completes another," Kuchiki Ginrei whispered. "When one's existence completes another…" There was a pause. "I am sorry about Hisana, Byakuya. Your existence was completed with her own, and I….will be gone as well now." Naked grief drowned in Byakuya's eyes. "I know that she would have enjoyed hearing those words from you…and I hope that someday you will tell someone those words."

Byakuya's head was bowed, and Renji didn't have to see to know that his hands were shaking. _"Byakuya's mother wore the same material of the heirloom of the Kuchiki clan in her hair."_ Yoruichi's words echoed in Renji's head as the rain continued to pour in the memory. _"It was given to her by her husband, Byakuya's father. A symbol of their love for each other."_ Now Renji remembered as a saddened gaze that echoed across Yoruichi's face as she spoke to Renji directly. _"I know that Byakuya covered you with his scarf after your battle Renji. In fact, I considered teasing him about it for weeks on end until I realized what it meant."_ Her eyes had bored into his own. _"It was his confession, Renji. Telling you that he loved you."_ Renji still remembered of how his mouth had refused to stay closed as the statement echoed in his mind. It had been before they had found Byakuya, his older brother holding him by his throat as the living nightmare again invaded Renji's mind. _So much blood…_ He could barely see Byakuya's face there was so much of it. He had not expected that his entire body would freeze as Byakuya's brother released the Shinigami, causing the bleeding Kuchiki to fall on the ground.

" _Byakuya!"_ Renji remembered screaming. He was only able to stand still as he watched with bated breath as Byakuya stood, his chest barely moving and splatters of blood falling onto the ground. _"Byakuya!"_ The Shinigami's head was bowed as blood continued to pool on the ground, thinking of the living nightmare he was in as he saw the brother lift his hand, remembering Byakuya falling…remembering that his taichou's name was on his lips as he fell into unconscious after attempting to attack As Nodt. _Kuchiki…taichou…_ Somehow Renji had found himself running towards Byakuya, knowing that it was a trap as his name fell on deaf ears from his comrades. He didn't remember what happened next. He _couldn't._ Now his only reality was experiencing Byakuya's memories, trying to desperately find Byakuya as the Shinigami went inside his inner world.

"Are you crying, Byakuya?"

Renji whipped his head around to see Byakuya shaking, the rain now soaked through him as his grandfather closed his eyes and whispered his last words to him.

"No…Jiisama." There was no other sound expect for the sound of the rain. "It is…only the rain."

"Only…the rain." Renji closed his mouth to stop a scream from forcing from his throat as he heard Byakuya's screams of grief and saw his tears.

Another memory.

"Nii-sama…" Byakuya whispered as his eyes drifted to the blood dripping onto the floor. "Why are you doing this?"

"It should be simple, otouto." The brother's smile was unlike any smile that Renji had yet to see. The façade of kindness and gentleness. "The elders chose you…as the clan head after our grandfather's passing. That is why I am doing this."

"Nii-sama." Now the mask that Renji recognized echoed across Byakuya's face. "You did not have to follow extreme measures to exploit your displeasure."

"Displeasure?" Kuchiki Akiya asked in a dangerously calm voice. His eyes narrowed, and his jaw clenched. _"Displeasure?"_ The heads rolled to the ground. "This is not _displeasure,_ Byakuya!" There was a sneer in the tone as he shouted his younger twin's name. "This…is my justice!"

"Justice?" Byakuya stared at his twin, his eyes barely concealing the shock on his face. "What…justice?"

Renji held his breath as he witnessed Akiya screaming. The world seemed to blur as Byakuya was still as he heard the screams and cold words coming from his brother's mouth. _"It was mine! It was supposed to be_ mine _!"_ Akiya flash stepping away, Byakuya so still that Renji thought that perhaps he could even touch the very memory. A meeting between the surviving elders and Byakuya, a shouting match between the elders as their clan leader stood eerily still as both sides shouted for Akiya to die. _Oh…Byakuya…_ Renji thought as he heard the young leader's protests, his mask falling further and further as the elders continued to push for Byakuya to kill his brother for what he had done. _How…?_ Renji thought as he witnessed Byakuya finally confirming his assent and bowing to the elders for _"their guidance."_ He saw of how a faint tremor traveled through his captain's body he stood beside the door, breathing heavily before he closed his eyes and walked slowly to prepare…for the living nightmare. Renji saw of how his taichou stared at his zanpakutou for hours on end in his bedroom, his eyes vacant as he finally sheathed Senbonzakura and walked outside, closing the screen behind him.

The red-haired Shinigami saw of how the brothers fought. Akiya screaming abuse at his brother, shouting that he was the one who should have been chosen – that their father had been weak, their mother had been weak, and their grandfather had been the weakest of all, a fool who was blinded by his pride of the Kuchiki clan. Renji had been stunned to find that Byakuya was holding back, not using his zanpakutou as he parried Akiya's attacks, his breathing rapid and sweat slowly sliding down his face as Akiya wounded him, blood dripping onto the ground. Byakuya's mind become ravaged by memories, the sweet and idyllic memories of his beloved older brother invading and poisoning him as his blood continue to pour from his wounds. _Always…together…_ Renji thought as the memories echoed in his mind, vomit building in his throat. Byakuya's first memory had been sleeping by Akiya, watching with fascination as the infant's hands curled in sleep and the same dark hair on his head as the infant suddenly burrowed his face into his brother's shoulder. His first word. _Akiya…_ Sounding almost like a bell, a beautiful bell that rang in Renji's ears as Byakuya grew with his brother always by his side. Training together in secret in the rain, the brothers laughing and smiling side by side, Byakuya's horror as his twin started to cough blood when he tried to attack Norinaga for saying that the only accomplishment their father had done was sticking…his part into his wife. _"Not that truly mattered anyway,"_ the teen Kuchiki sneered as tears started to gather in Byakuya's eyes as Akiya's former concerned expression became enraged. _"_ That woman _died, and the only one who is of actually of_ use _and_ promise _is only a sniveling brat."_ Renji had wanted to kill him. Kill him with his bare hands, but Akiya got there first, trying to attack Norinaga before he fell hard on the ground, the pressure too much for his lungs as he started to cough blood. Akiya holding his twin as he cried as children, the same young man now laughing with happiness as his brother married Hisana. The grief and tears as Byakuya told him that their grandfather had died along with the sixth division.

Renji felt the pure agony and despair as Byakuya's memories consumed him, feeling a sob on the back at his throat as he felt the very despair and heartbreaking reality that Byakuya was in as his brother continued to scream hatred. _Please…_ he thought. _Please,_ he thought again as he watched a large wound begin to bleed on Byakuya's side. _This pain, Byakuya…_

"I hate you!" Akiya screamed. His mouth came into a snarl and his eyes were wild with rage. "I hate you!" Blood continued to fall onto the ground.

 _Byakuya…_ Renji thought as he watched as his future taichou managed to speak, a weak whisper on his lips as his brother's forehead brushed against his. Something changed when Akiya with whatever the older twin whispered against his brother's face. Renji watched without breath as he watched Byakuya's broken emotion disappear into the cold and emotionless façade that Renji knew. His voice shouted into the air, and Renji swallowed as the final form of Senbonzakura showed itself to Kuchiki Akiya. There was a blinding scene of blood and scattered sakura petals, a scream that pierced Renji's heart so deeply he thought it would stop. Byakuya stood before the body of his brother, his eyes empty and vacant as the wounds on his body continued to bleed. He didn't seem to be aware of them. He didn't seem to be aware of anything or anyone. Suddenly, Byakuya fell onto the ground, Senbonzakura falling from his hands. Renji stared, his heartbeat hard against his chest as the memory faded.

Renji was running again, feeling the damaged memories as the scene of Byakuya's inner world came into his mind. The world was surrounded by sakura trees, the petals falling to the ground and dancing in the wind. He could see a small pond with lotus flowers floating on his left, the soft grass against his ankles as he continued to run, shouting Byakuya's name now. _It's…always me, isn't it?_ Renji thought as he desperately shouted for Byakuya. _Always me…why?_ Renji could now accept what he had seen when Akiya had held up his hand. It was an illusion, one so real Renji almost stepped back. He could hear the sharp gasp from Rukia as she and the others stared at the illusion that was Abarai Renji.

It was when he had just joined the sixth division. He did not have as many tattoos as he did now, and his hair was shorter then. The vice-captain badge, which he only wore on his first day, was there. But his eyes… His eyes were different. Renji had looked never looked at someone that way before. The peace and pure love easing out of his eyes and expression was enough to stop Renji from thinking.

"Taichou…" The very word caused Byakuya to stiffen, and Renji tried to control his breathing as he saw his captain begin to shake. "Taichou…" The illusion-Renji smiled, a true smile that Renji had yet to smile since his days in Rokungai. There was so much love in his expression, so much love that Renji had never thought existed.

"Kill him," Akiya stated. The words echoed, stilling Renji's heart as he looked at the cold blackness in Akiya's eyes. "Kill him, otouto. Kill him as you did to me…your other half."

He heard a sharp strangled cry from Byakuya as the illusion-Renji continued to smile. _"There's always someone that even the strongest Shinigami cannot kill,"_ the red-haired Shinigami remembered learning from the Academy. _How could I not see…?_ Renji thought as he saw Akiya start to cup his brother's face, frozen and swallowing vomit as he looked toward the illusion. _How could I not see that it was me…that he could not kill?_

" _He definitely could have killed you, Renji."_ The vice-captain's breath hitched as he remembered Ichigo's words as the captain of the eighth division stared at the Shinigami staring blankly at the Hueco Mundo night sky with nightmares still on his mind. _"I remember when I fought him, and of how I shit myself at the sight of that bankai. The final form." A frown formed on the former substitute Shinigami's face as he ran his hands through his orange hair. "It was so frightening…and I remember when he told me that I was the second one to see it. If you truly had meant to kill you, Renji, he could have easily used that technique. But no." Ichigo's brown eyes observed Renji's shocked face. "It wasn't because he thought you weren't worthy of seeing that form. Hell, he called me a disgrace of whatever for having a bankai as he stated that he had defeated a captain-level Shinigami."_

 _"He was talking about you, Renji." Renji looked at Rukia, who was half-smiling at him. Sadness appeared in her eyes, and Renji had no idea why until she said, "I never heard him say such a compliment to anyone before I was almost executed…and I'm starting to understand what Yoruichi-san said."_

 _"It's just that…" Ichigo sighed and turned to both Renji and Rukia. "Back when you said that you kissed, Renji, I was skeptical. He tried to kill you…at least that's what I thought until I remembered about his answer to my questions."_

 _"What question?" Renji asked._

 _"I asked him of how he could kill his own sister," Ichigo replied with a gentle look at Rukia. "And he told me that as head of one of the four noble houses of Soul Society, emotions had no meaning. The laws ruled over everything. Family did not matter. He couldn't kill you, Renji, even though you fought him and likely would have been tried for treason." Renji swallowed, Ichigo's gaze never leaving his as the memories of their fight echoed in his mind again. "He was almost able to kill Rukia, his sister, who he knew for fifty years, and yet…he did not kill you. His vice-captain who had only been in his division for only a little while. And then there's the scarf thing." Ichigo sighed and almost grinned at Renji's stunned expression. "It makes sense."_

 _It's always me, isn't it?_ Renji thought as he shouted, remembering of how a strangled scream had broken from Byakuya's mouth as Akiya threatened him to kill the illusion that was too lifelike for Renji's liking. Byakuya had closed his eyes, small gasps coming out from his mouth when Renji suddenly felt a pull – being drawn into a cold black hole, drowning. Then came the memories. Byakuya's memories that Byakuya would rather see and withdraw in his own inner world than to kill an illusion of Renji.

Tears pricked Renji's eyes at the thought of the love Byakuya had for him. _Love…_ he thought, remembering of holding his taichou as they kissed. The whispers and confessions that echoed through his mind. Of thinking, as his taichou stared at the moon, of how beautiful he was. _Love…which I never thought existed. All I know,_ Renji thought, his breath catching in his throat as he saw a familiar figure, lying beneath a cherry blossom tree, running as fast as he could. _All I know is that I cannot bear to see this kind of pain on your face again. Your pain…is mine._

 _We_ complete _each other, Byakuya, I know that now._ Renji crouched down beside a sleeping Byakuya, quite certain he had never seen such beauty. Byakuya's raven hair was slightly across his eyes, and his breathing was slow and peaceful. His hands were by his sides, one slightly on his abdomen. He was wearing a pure white kimono, and the sakura petals falling on his face almost made Renji want to weep from happiness.

"Byakuya." Renji whispered, his hand slightly stroking Byakuya's hair. _So beautiful…like all of you,_ Renji thought as he stroked the raven hair. "Byakuya, wake up. It's me." A small smile echoed across Renji's face as he saw Byakuya's eyes start to open. "It's…Renji."

"…Renji?" Byakuya's shocked gaze echoed through Renji's smiling eyes. "Renji…is that…?"

"Byakuya," Renji sighed. Before he could stop himself, the Shinigami planted a tender kiss on the Kuchiki's forehead. "It _is_ me, Byakuya." He swallowed to prevent tears from trailing across his cheeks. "Your…heart."

"My heart…" Byakuya whispered, his hand reaching across to Renji's and placing it above. Their hands entwined, and the two stared into each other's eyes before Renji lowered his head and kissed Byakuya on the lips.


	10. You, Always

_You, Always_

 _"Renji." The vice-captain looked up from his thoughts and saw that he was walking beside his captain. What caused his eyes to widen however, was the fact that Byakuya was wearing his kimono – the sakura appearing almost like flowers against the pink cloth. The vice-captain had no idea what had compelled him to buy that kimono – until now, as he stared at his captain, who had a serene look on his face. The cold façade was gone, replaced by something that Renji saw as contentment. He continued to stare at his captain, staring at his dark gray eyes, lingering on the peaceful expression on his face, a soft smile almost caressing his lips as his eyes turned to Renji._

 _"Will you hold my hand this time?" Renji's heart clenched at the sight of his captain – Byakuya, came his immediate thought as his memory resurfaced, thinking of the night before – and stared at the hand held out to him. Byakuya – of how his heart sped up at the sound of hearing his name – was starting to walk away, his lone slim and beautiful hand held out to Renji. The memories of the night before flashed through Renji's mind, remembering the confession underneath the stars, the kisses they had shared with much more that he could not think about right now without a blush coming across his cheeks. Byakuya… Renji thought as he remembered his lips caressing the lips calling out to him now, seeing the unguarded look of love in the Shinigami's dark gray eyes. Renji smiled, almost wanting to laugh from the pure happiness he felt as he stared at his lover when –_

 _He stopped. Behind Byakuya was a figure, his Shinigami robes echoing in Renji's mind as he stared at the cold figure. He looked exactly like Byakuya – the same pale skin and long fingers and the same dark gray eyes – except for the expression on Kuchiki Akiya's face. It was a look of madness. Akiya grinned, the malicious smile causing a dark pool of dread to enter Renji's stomach as he stared at the older brother with barely a breath._

 _"Renji?" Byakuya appeared to be bewildered, his hand still held out for Renji to grasp it, the red-haired Shinigami staring at the pale and beautiful hand. "What is wrong?"_

 _Suddenly there was laughter. It didn't come from the elder twin. Renji's eyes bulged as his eyes saw the face that haunted his nightmares, the voice causing Renji to inwardly scream and want to_ kill _if he wasn't dead. As Nodt was behind Byakuya, the hands creeping around the Shinigami's throat – causing a strangled scream to come out of Renji's throat._

 _"'Byakuya!" Renji screamed. He could sense As Nodt's smirk as the Quincy stared at the Shinigami._

 _"Your fear is simple, Renji." His heart stopped at the sight of wounds, gruesome wounds that would always bleed, starting to appear on Byakuya's body. It was the battle against As Nodt over again as the blood continued to seep as Renji took a desperate step forward. He had no other thoughts as he relived that day, seeing his captain fall, the screams in Renji's throat wanting to break free as Akiya suddenly spoke._

 _"Your heart will not help you now."_

 _Byakuya's hand was now coated in blood, the droplets falling onto the ground as his captain fell, his dead, empty eyes staring at Renji as the dark liquid continued to seep._

 _That was when Renji started to scream._

"Byakuya…" Renji's haorse whisper echoed in the Hueco Mundo landscape as he opened his agonized brown eyes. He could feel the cold wind across his face, stilling the tears wanting to pour out of his eyes. His hand was held out reaching for the sky, seeing the dark night as Renji's heart continued to pound painfully. It was like the Shinigami was reaching for something…something beyond his reach. The red-haired Shinigami's heart clenched at the nightmare echoed in his mind – the images of two enemies that haunted Renji's dreams. The Shinigami stood, his mind not focusing on what he was doing as the nightmare continued to echo in his mind. _It's not the first time…_ Renji thought as his feet shuffled forward.

He had never told anyone about the nightmares. Renji had not told anyone of how he had dreamed of his captain lying in a pool of his own blood, calling out to his zanpakutou as Renji watched helplessly as he died. The nightmares were often reliving the battle, seeing his captain bleed and his zanpakutou used against him as he protected Renji – Renji screaming for it to stop. The red-haired Shinigami had never told anyone about this, of how he awoke to find his captain's name on his lips, his limbs shaking as the vice-captain attempted to control the living nightmare in his mind. The dreams started to become something else – especially after he had almost _died_ against the second-in-command Quincy, the images never _leaving him alone_ as he heard again and again of Senbonzakura shattering into little tiny pieces. There were times when Renji awoke to vomit against his throat, or a scream shattering his vocal cords as he forced himself not to scream. Sweat – cold sweat that Renji had never experienced – bathed across his body, the image of his captain's body _burning_. _Why does it hurt so much?_ Renji thought as he trained, sweat trickling along his brow. _Why does it feel that I…_ failed _at everything I cared about when I see my captain lying so still?_

"Another nightmare?" Renji looked to find Yoruichi across from him, a pensive expression across her face as the former Shinigami stared at him. Renji opened his mouth to protest, but Yoruichi beat him to it. "I know what it feels wake as if you were dying, Renji."

"How?" Renji turned to find Ichigo standing beside her, his brown eyes confused as he stared at her. Yoruichi didn't respond, her eyes becoming somber as she stared at the red-haired Shinigami.

"Byakuya loves you, Renji." Renji stiffened, not expecting such words from Yoruichi. His heart continued to pound rapidly as he observed the calm face that Yoruichi had. "And you love him. Do you know why I know that?"

Renji shook his head as the others – Ichigo and Rukia standing side by side, Hitsugaya staring at the sky and yet his head tilted toward the conversation as Zaraki-taichou grinning – as Yoruichi started to speak.

"No one knows the significance of the name behind Byakuya's zanpakutou. Senbonzakura…" Yoruichi whispered, closing her eyes for a minute before smiling ever so softy. "Her name was Sakura too."

"Wait." Ichigo turned toward Yoruichi, his eyes wide. "Are you talking about Byakuya's mother?"

"Yes." There was a slight tension in Yoruichi's reply, and a brief clouded look a grief appeared in her eyes before she turned to Renji. "Imagine my surprise when I found out his zanpakutou was named Senbonzakura," she stated with faint laughter. "Byakuya is more sentimental than most of you know, and I think…that he saw his zanpakutou as his mother protecting him, through the cherry blossoms they both loved."

"What do flowers have to do with anything?" Zaraki-taichou asked impatiently.

"Everything," Yoruichi stated without a look at him. She stared into Renji's wide eyes. "Byakuya protected you until he almost died, against his own zanpakutou. I think…" Yoruichi's voice faded as Renji thought about what he had just heard. _His mother protecting him, huh?_ He had seen – before his eyes had been open to the truth – of how much care Byakuya had put into his zanpakutou. _It's the only thing he likes,_ Renji had once thought angrily as he remembered of how the captain had rebuked and dismissed his unseated officers without remorse, his dark gray eyes again glancing at his zanpakutou as he ignored the protests from Renji and the other officers. Byakuya never appeared not in harmony with his zanpakutou – unlike with Renji, and there was something…interesting of how Byakuya deeply cared for Senbonzakura. _He didn't want me to get hurt from those blades…not only because it would be too painful…but also because the petals meant to protect him would harm something that he…cared about._ Renji almost said love, but the word caught in his throat. It felt painful to even think, the nightmares of blood burning in his mind as he remembered holding his taichou, shouting for him to wake. _I…_

"Byakuya's mother wore the same material of the heirloom of the Kuchiki clan in her hair." Yoruichi's words echoed in Renji's head. "It was given to her by her husband, Byakuya's father. A symbol of their love for each other." A saddened gaze echoed across Yoruichi's face as she spoke to Renji directly. "I know that Byakuya covered you with his scarf after your battle Renji. In fact, I considered teasing him about it for weeks on end until I realized what it meant." There was a pause. "It was his confession to you, Renji. Telling you that he loved you."

"W-what do you mean?" Renji rasped. Despite himself, his skin remembered the feel of Byakuya's scarf against his bleeding body. His thoughts were of when he had let Rukia go, her agony now a scar that he carried as he remembered her violet eyes dark with pain as she ran past him. He hadn't known at the time that Byakuya's scarf was against his body. Renji could only remember faintly of how soft and warm he felt, almost as if someone was embracing him. He had awoken later to find himself in the fourth division, bandages covering his torso as Hanatarou came in, flustered and skittish as he handed the white material into Renji's hands before running away as quickly as he could. The red-haired Shinigami remembered of how he stared at the scarf in shock, thinking that his taichou would actually manage to kill him this time if he knew that his scarf was in the possession of his betrayed vice-captain. Then, he had realized as his hands subconsciously stroked the scarf, that his taichou had put his scarf around his body following his defeat. _What does that mean?_ Renji had thought. _Why did he do that?_ Renji didn't say a word as he pulled the scarf out of his Shinigami uniform, his hands tied around the soft material as he handed it back to his taichou. For a moment, Renji thought he saw something cross his taichou's eyes as the raven-haired Shinigami was given back his scarf, but he said nothing as the material was lied across his lap.

It had been the first time that Renji had seen his captain without any symbols of nobility. And for some reason, Renji found himself liking this side of his captain. _He was…different to me, at that time. I started to see…of how human he was, and when he told me that I probably wished him dead…that was farther from the truth._ Renji sighed and glanced at Yoruichi, the emotions in his head becoming more and more undone as the memories of his taichou threatened to overwhelm him.

"Why me?" he shouted. "Why does he _care_ so much for me…and why…" Renji swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut. "Why didn't he tell me sooner?" he rasped.

"He was afraid." Renji and the others stared in shock as Hitsugaya spoke, the captain of the tenth division not looking at them. The captain appeared tense, his hands clenched into fists and his body stiff. "I…know what if feels to be afraid." He turned toward them, and Renji was shocked to find the young Shinigami's eyes, normally so cautious and closed off, appeared so…raw. He licked his lips, and didn't move as he began to speak sparingly. "I was almost killed in the war, before Mayuri found me and brought me back to life again." He sighed, coming deep within his chest. "But, that came at a cost. I suppose some of you have noticed I have not been myself…since the war." Absent-mindedly, Renji nodded as Yoruichi watched with sympathy in her eyes. "My life-span was cut in half, and I only have fifty years to life until I will be assigned a mission that will result in my death." Hitsugaya spoke calmly, his voice without fear and sadness. Ichigo tried to speak, his eyes impossibly wide and his hands shaking as he tried to tell Hitsugaya that there must be another way. The snow-haired Shinigami shook his head. "Mayuri told me that there is nothing I can do, and so I –"

"But Hinamori!" Renji shouted. Hitsugaya's eyes turned toward Renji's. "What about Hinamori! You can't do this to her!"

Hitsugaya didn't respond for a moment as Renji continued to look at him with anger in his eyes. "I was afraid to tell her, so I didn't say a word," he replied quietly. Renji's mouth closed as he heard the mournful tone in the young captain's voice. "I was…afraid of what would happen if she rejected my feelings, and my own feelings towards her that I didn't say it."

"Say what?" Renji asked even though the pounding in his heart told him the answer.

"To say I love her," Hitsugaya whispered. He turned, and his expression turned solemn as his eyes bored into Renji's own. "Kuchiki-taichou was afraid of saying those words to you because he believed you wouldn't feel the same way." _All along,_ Renji thought as he remembered countless times of working with his captain with paperwork or training their division. The fight against As Nodt, and Renji hearing his captain shout and tell him to stay back. _All along, you felt this way._ "I know now what I must do," Hitsugaya whispered into the wind. "Matsumoto herself told me to stop being afraid and just live. At the time, I didn't know what to say, because she too will meet the same end as myself. She said she was…happy, that she was looking forward to seeing Ichimaru again. Gin…" he whispered.

Renji's heart lurched at the mention that Matsumoto was going to die in fifty years, just like her captain. The red-haired Shinigami swallowed, in vain trying to keep out the agony in his chest.

"I want to spend my last decades of life with Hinamori by my side, something of which I believe you can relate to, Abarai-fukutaichou."

 _I can,_ Renji thought as he thought of the time when he held Byakuya in his arms, the kiss they had shared running through his mind. _I can understand why…_ He thought of the dream that turned into a nightmare, remembering Byakuya wearing his kimono and holding out his hand.

"It was always Kuchiki-taichou, wasn't it, Abarai-fukutaichou?"

"He definitely could have killed you, Renji." The vice-captain's breath hitched as he remembered Ichigo's words as the captain of the eighth division stared at the Shinigami staring blankly at the Hueco Mundo night sky with nightmares still on his mind. "I remember when I fought him, and of how I shit myself at the sight of that bankai. The final form." A frown formed on the former substitute Shinigami's face as he ran his hands through his orange hair. "It was so frightening…and I remember when he told me that I was the second one to see it. If you truly had meant to kill you, Renji, he could have easily used that technique. But no." Ichigo's brown eyes observed Renji's shocked face. "It wasn't because he thought you weren't worthy of seeing that form. Hell, he called me a disgrace of whatever for having a bankai as he stated that he had defeated a captain-level Shinigami."

"He was talking about you, Renji." Renji looked at Rukia, who was half-smiling at him. Sadness appeared in her eyes, and Renji had no idea why until she said, "I never heard him say such a compliment to anyone before I was almost executed…and I'm starting to understand what Yoruichi-san said."

"It's just that…" Ichigo sighed and turned to both Renji and Rukia. "Back when you said that you kissed, Renji, I was skeptical. He tried to kill you…at least that's what I thought until I remembered about his answer to my questions."

"What question?" Renji asked.

"I asked him of how he could kill his own sister," Ichigo replied with a gentle look at Rukia. "And he told me that as head of one of the four noble houses of Soul Society, emotions had no meaning. The laws ruled over everything. Family did not matter. He couldn't kill you, Renji, even though you fought him and likely would have been tried for treason." Renji swallowed, Ichigo's gaze never leaving his as the memories of their fight echoed in his mind again. "He was almost able to kill Rukia, his sister, who he knew for fifty years, and yet…he did not kill you. His vice-captain who had only been in his division for only a little while. And then there's the scarf thing." Ichigo sighed and almost grinned at Renji's stunned expression. "It makes sense."

" _Watshi mo…watashi mo anata o aishiteru…"_

Renji suddenly stilled. He couldn't understand, but he felt Zabimaru's anxiety, tearing inside him, pain coursing in waves as he suddenly found himself in his inner world. The world was different, Renji immediately noted as he stared at the scenes. Instead of simply being a pool of water with ripples, there were sakura petals floating on the water. Renji inhaled the scent of the sakura, almost feeling the blossoms against his skin as he remembered the countless sakura trees in Byakuya's manor. _They were so beautiful,_ Renji thought, but before he could continue, a sharp gasp came from him as Zabimaru hurled himself at his chest.

His eyes were red. Renji could almost feel the rage seeping from the baboon as his twin tails twitched.

"Can't you hear it, fool?" Zabimaru screamed.

"Hear…what?" Renji rasped, cursing himself again for having such an obnoxious zanpakutou spirit.

"You're useless!" Howled the baboon. His red eyes bored into Renji's own, causing the supposed master to flinch. "Can't you hear Senbonzakura?"

His heart shuddering, Renji gulped and listened. He couldn't hear anything expect for Zabimaru's rasping breathing. Then, the vice-captain of the sixth division heard.

Screaming. Renji recoiled in horror as the blood-curling screams became louder and louder. His heartbeat rapidly becoming too fast too quickly, Renji could his captain's zanpakutou's spirit for the first time. _Senbon…zakura…_ The samurai was bathed in blood. The majestic armor that he wore was coated in blood, the dark clothes soaking in the substance. His mask was completely cracked, blood running down his thin face, and his dark eyes drowning in agony as blood continued to seep from his wounds. _"Master!"_ he cried. Renji couldn't look away as tears started to trail down his cheeks, clearing away the blood dripping onto the floor. _"Master!"_ A scream – a horrible, ghastly scream – tore from Senbonzakura as more wounds became visible. _"Master!"_

" _MASTER!"_

Renji gasped, his entire body on fire as his wide eyes opened. He could vaguely see the others stare at him in concern, but he paid them no mind. His thoughts were on Byakuya. _If there is enough damage, then the pain of the Shinigami is reflected on the zanpakutou spirit._ Renji bit his lips until his teeth came away with blood. _I have to go now!_ Renji began to run.

"Renji!" He could hear Rukia's voice through the cold air as the group began to chase after him. "What the hell is going on?"

"Senbonzakura is screaming!" Renji shouted without a look at Rukia's stunned face. "We have to save Byakuya now!" If he was coherent, Renji would have noted that his reiatsu was dangerously out of control. It was dense pressure, coming out in uncontrollable waves. Renji's hands were shaking, his entire being tense. "We have to save Byakuya!"

"Renji!" A large Hollow appeared before them, the sand underneath exploding as the lost soul began to come towards them. Renji growled, Zabimaru immediately coming into its unsealed state.

"Get out of my way, you freak!" Renji screamed. " _Nothing_ will stop me from saving him!" The Shinigami bared his teeth as he shouted,"Howl, Sōsō Zabimaru!"

The Hollow was immediately defeated. Renji didn't waste time sealing Zabimaru again, hearing again and again Senbonzakura's agonized screams. _Byakuya…!_ Renji fought to not see the memories in his mind, seeing Byakuya's blood on the ground as the zanpakutou continued to slice him. _I_ won't _live through that nightmare again!_ Renji roared, seeing a hoard of Hollows appear in front of his eyes. _You won't take him away from me!_

"Ignite…" Renji heard the faint whisper in Hueco Mundo as the reiatsu suddenly appeared. He felt himself trying to breathe through the dense spiritual pressure, feeling the heat come into his body as the Hollows suddenly growled and focused their attention elsewhere. _"Kuroki no Honou no Byakushi!"_

 _Byaku...shi?_ Renji thought vaguely as he witnessed the Hollows howl as a great blue flame, the form of a white lion, engulfed them, causing their spirits to fade away. The flames continued to burn, the blue flames licking at the sand. There was a figure standing where the Hollows were, and the dust started to clear.

Renji and the others collectively gasped, their eyes impossibly large as they recognized the figure who had saved them.

She was barefoot, and wore a long black coat over her body. Her face had lost the permanent blush across her cheeks, and her hair was longer now. She looked no longer a child, but a young teenager. She held onto her zanpakutou – long and silver with a normal hilt – with ease, and her brown eyes surveyed her former comrades.

"Ya…chiru?" It was Zaraki-taichou who spoke first. For the first time, he appeared to be at lost for words, only able to stare at his vice-captain and adopted daughter.

The figure smiled, and Renji's heart clenched. How long ago was it that he had seen the little girl smile? She used to… Then, Renji's thoughts faded as she spoke.

"Hello, Ken-chan." Her voice had changed. It was…almost like a bell, no longer wanting for him to cringe. "I am sorry you thought I was dead."

"Dead?" Ichigo yelled. The former substitute Shinigami's face morphed in rage. "How could you do this to us? Huh? Every goddamn one of us thought you were dead! Kenpachi found it _very hard_ to give your shitty vice-captain badge to Ikkaku, you damn little shit!"

Yachiru didn't giggle, nor did she smile. Her face turned sad, and she looked into Ichigo's betrayed and enraged expression. "I don't expect you to understand, Ichigo." The orange-haired Shinigami recoiled as if slapped, no longer hearing the nickname that Yachiru had given him when he had first fought Kenpachi. "When Ken-chan was fighting that Quincy, I realized that it my fault that he had to come save me again. I had to…stop depending on him, and acting like a child."

"What are you saying, Yachiru?" Renji yelled, his mind flashing back to the giggling little girl on Zaraki-taichou's shoulder. "How many times have you beat my ass and all the other asses that came into the eleventh division? It doesn't matter –!"

"It mattered to me!" Yachiru stared, her eyes flashing. She behaved so much like Byakuya that Renji had to step back. "I came here to become stronger," the pink-haired teen stated more calmly, her eyes searching in Zaraki-taichou's eyes. "Not because of you, or anyone. I did it for myself. I wanted to grow strong so no one would have to protect me. Fighting Hollows and getting wounded…helped me become less of a burden, and I even gained my own zanpakutou. The other one," Yachiru stated as Renji remembered seeing the little girl hold a different zanpakutou like it was a toy, "was not originally mine. Urahara-san gave me this," she stated as she pointed to the black cloak, "so that no one could sense my reiatsu."

"I suppose it would make sense if Urahara knew this," Ichigo growled. He stared at Yachiru, noting of her longer pink hair and thin face. "But you hurt Byakuya too, damn it, and he had enough to deal with!"

Now Yachiru looked somewhat ashamed. "I know," she stated. For a moment, it appeared that she wouldn't speak. "Byakushi was the only friend I had when I was a Shinigami. He actually accepted me for who I was and didn't attempt to chase me away or was annoyed by me." A small, hesitant smile appeared on Yachiru's face. "I was hurt very much when Byakushi and Ken-chan were injured by the Quincies, and after Ken-chan battled the other one…I thought it was time that I grew up."

"Is that why your zanpakutou is called Honou no Byakushi?" Renji asked. He could hear Rukia sigh exasperatedly at him.

Suddenly Yachiru began to laugh. It was so unexpected that Renji could only stare as the now-teen began to laugh as tears came to her eyes.

"You're funny, Renji." A large smiled framed her face. "Byakushi is my friend, nothing more, silly! My zanpakutou's Byakushi means white lion!" Despite his blushing, Yachiru continued to smile.

"Kusajishi…fukutaichou,"' Hitsugaya stated with a look at the female Shinigami. "Are you able to aid us in the rescue mission?"

"Yep!" Renji and Ichigo sweat-dropped, but a look for Hitsugaya made them start to run again toward the place where Byakuya was held.

* * *

Akiya held his brother's neck by his hand. He stared coldly at the broken and bleeding figure. _So weak…_ Akiya thought as he stared at his twin's almost closed dark gray eyes. Blood was still flowing from his wounds. _I forced himself to wound himself from Senbonzakura three times, and he's already almost dead._ A pool of blood was formed where they both were, the younger Shinigami barely breathing as Akiya stared at his brother. His entire body was covered with blood. The wounds he had received from As Nodt were nothing compared to now, large gaping holes where his flesh used to be, and his long hair coated with the red substance. Only the faint rise of his younger brother's chest did Akiya know that he was alive.

 _"Nii-sama!"_ Akiya remembered of how the Shinigami before him adored him. Even when he began to grow with a hot temper, the small child who cried in his beloved older brother's arms remained. Akiya had spoken the truth. He had always hated his little brother. Ever since he could remember, there was hatred seeping inside him every time he saw that smiling face. Akiya didn't start to hate him when their fool of a grandfather died. No…he had been born with it. He had lied to his brother, pretending to love him, when in fact he loathed his very existence.

 _You had no idea what to do, did you? When I told you those words._ Pathetic was the word Akiya would describe his younger twin, remembering too of how his expression had changed during their battle that had almost caused his death at those words that had been spoken.

 _"After you, I will destroy all of Soul Society."_

"Even when I told you that I was going to destroy all of Soul Society," Akiya whispered to his barely conscious brother, "you couldn't kill me. You couldn't bear to kill the person closest to you." His hand squeezed around his brother's throat. "And you were also _weak_ enough to fall to that Quincy." Akiya leaned into his brother's ear and whispered. "You were…ashamed, _cried_ at the realization that _you_ could not protect your squad yet again. That you could not protect _anything_ yet again. Like the other time…Byakuya." His brother had been devastated by their grandfather's death and the annihilation of almost the entire squad. There were times when the cold façade would break, and Akiya could hear his brother's cries, quiet enough so that only he could hear. "You couldn't protect anyone that night, nor that day…especially your precious Renji." At the sound of that name, Akiya could see his younger twin begin to struggle, his eyes opening wide and trying to pull free.

Akiya released his hand and let him fall.

"Byakuya!" Akiya looked, his eyes following the figure running towards to his brother.

"Byakuya!"


	11. Call Your Name

This is the last chapter of this story. I hope you enjoyed this story, and am happy I was able to bring this to you. Although it was a little shorter than I imagined...thank you very much!

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 _Call Your Name_

"Renji…" Byakuya could still feel Renji's lips pressing against his own. They were tender and warm, and Byakuya's dark gray eyes bored into Renji's, finding only contentment. _I know this is my inner world…_ Byakuya thought as he started to smile, _but it feels so_ real _. I want this…_ At that moment, Byakuya felt a gentle breeze against his skin, smelling the cherry blossoms and lotus flowers floating in the pond. _I want to be with you for real, Renji._

Byakuya swiftly broke his hand, feeling the pain through his limb as the bones broke. He heard his name against Renji's lips as the world – his inner world – started to fade. The dark-haired Shinigami opened his eyes. He was still standing, feeling the blood leak into his eyes unlike tears as he saw his older twin smiling. Byakuya could hear his name being called, and he closed his eyes for a moment.

 _The sound of my name on your lips…_ The dark-haired Shinigami opened his eyes again, seeing flashes of memory as he stared at the memory of his older brother. _How I wanted to hear my name on my brother's lips…to hear his voice again._ Akiya remained convinced of his victory, his smile turning into a sneer. _Like Renji…of how I wanted to hear my name on his lips with the same love that Hisana, my beloved Hisana, had for me._

" _Senbonzakura…"_ The world seemed to still as Byakuya stated the name of his zanpakutou, the shocked dark gray orbs boring into his own as Byakuya stepped forward, Senbonzakura embedding in the flesh on his older brother. _He expected me to give up…to die with regret and remorse…for the actions that I have taken. And I…_ The zanpakutou's soul scattered, floating like the cherry blossoms Byakuya knew protected him. His mother, like the cherry blossom she was named after, floated into the wound inside Akiya. _"Senya…"_ he whispered, as the cherry blossoms suddenly sharpened and destroyed the Hollow, the inhuman screams rising as Byakuya looked one last time at his beloved older brother. Particles started to float in the air, almost raining as the face that Byakuya wanted to see so much started to wither away. Then, suddenly, the Hollow – Kuchiki Akiya – disappeared like mist.

" _Nakanaide…otouto."_

Byakuya heard his brother's child voice whispering in his ears, and found warm tears trailing down his cheeks. _Renji…_ He heard his name screamed as Byakuya finally collapsed.

"What are you dreaming about?"

Byakuya smiled softly, opening his eyes to find Renji hovering over him. The red-haired Shinigami lightly touched Byakuya's hand, which was beside his side. It had been two weeks since Byakuya had been rescued from Aizen's vacant tower by Renji and the other members of the Gotei 13. The dark-haired Shinigami had spent the majority of the two weeks in the Fourth Division, bandages and distress the only numbing reality as the captain attempted to not allow his fear to show despite only recently being promoted. It was odd, Renji had stated out loud as the captain of the fourth division smoothed his captain's haori self-consciously as he left the room. Seeing Hanatarou in a haori after being so frightened and bullied all the time. Byakuya had not replied, staring at the kanji meaning four on the back of a Shinigami he had previously thought would come to nothing. After the war with the Quincies had ended, the vice-captain of the fourth division had stated that she was not worthy to wear the captain's haori. Almost everyone in the Gotei 13, not to mention Hanatarou himself, were beyond stunned when Soutaichou had told Hanatarou that his skills were honed enough to become captain. And so, the former bullied and teased Shinigami who feared Byakuya more than anything, trained to obtain bankai, becoming somewhat stronger and less teased when the haori was placed on his shoulders. Byakuya had stated that it was good that Hanatarou had becoming a Shinigami worth knowing, noting to a stunned Renji that his older brother had previously served as Unohana-taichou's vice-captain.

Yachiru had visited Byakuya often during the two weeks he was in the fourth division, sounding less like the child who had often invaded his manor begging for sweets as the Shinigami wore a vice-captain badge for the third division. _"I know what despair feels like, Byakushi."_ She was now the only person to call him by the former nickname she had created for the majority for the Shinigami of the Gotei 13, except for the barbarian Zaraki. Her long pink hair waved around her shoulders. _"Playing with Ken-chan was fun, but I want to see the other side of the battle now."_ Byakuya now found that he slightly missed the child she had been, but found a small smile on his lips when she came by with Rukia or Kurosaki Ichigo by her side.

Now Byakuya allowed Renji to lie beside him, the cherry blossoms floating onto their skin as Byakuya stared at his heart. Renji had stated the same when he had met Byakuya in his inner world, the red-haired Shinigami telling him of what he had seen as he whispered in Byakuya's hair. It had taken time for the elders to understand that Byakuya loved Renji as he loved Hisana, but their minds had drastically altered when it was revealed that Byakuya's cousin Naganori had manipulated them into thinking their clan head as weak through his lies and deceit. The cousin who had tormented him since childhood was now in prison, visited only by his grieving wife and gentle son Yuushirou, who was now the clan heir upon Byakuya's death. Now Byakuya felt his head sliding into Renji's lap, feeling his calm breath ease through him as Renji stared at him through pools of love.

"I will never forget my older brother, despite his terrible deceit," Byakuya whispered as he felt his hair combed through Renji's gentle fingers. "I…still care for his memory, despite the truth that almost destroyed me."

"You mean him never loving you?"

Byakuya nodded.

"The dream that I have always dreamed of that I thought was beyond my grasp is now _real_ …" Byakuya whispered as he stared into Renji's eyes. "That is enough…for the pain to only be a memory."

Their foreheads gently brushed against one another, and Byakuya smiled, feeling only pure bliss as he and Renji exchanged a kiss that made him forget of the pain his heart.

 _As long as I am with my heart…I am complete._


End file.
